Bye, bye, Kovalchuk … bye, bye, Devils


I thought you needed a new post anyway, after all the hilarity and frivolity of the sublime Ilya Kovalchuk saga.

I will say this, no matter who did what or why, this is both a complete blessing and an absolute curse to the Devils.

It’s a blessing, nearly a miracle actually, because a franchise in such financial distress is getting out of $77 million worth of bad contract without having to spend big in a buyout. And Kovalchuk’s retirement is going to cost the Devils just $250,000 in cap-recapture penalty, albeit through 2024-25. That’s couch change in today’s NHL. The cap hit won’t hurt the organization whatsoever.

That said, the move hurts the Devils competitively, obviously. Lou Lamoriello put all the Devils’ Zach Parise eggs in Kovalchuk’s basket, and now they have neither, not to mention no David Clarkson. The Devils will be able to spend to improve, but they aren’t getting a former-future-Ranger Parise or a Kovalchuk, or even a Clarkson. So this team that missed the playoffs comfortably last season is going to be worse going forward.

Well, at least they will have Ryane Clowe … for quite a while, barring more concussions.

Here’s Kevin Allen’s story on Kovalchuk’s retirement, from USA Today.

Here is audio from Lou Lamoriello’s conference call yesterday, courtesy of the Devils.

Photo by Getty Images.

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  1. Post Toasties!

    Devils fans don’t need to wear shades.

    Their future isn’t looking so bright.

  2. If I was Lou now, i’d be on Grabovski and Jagr faster than Kim Kardashian’s baby will be in Hello magazine

  3. Good morning, boneheads!

    Well, I don’t feel sorry for NJ. Or should I?

    But this may not be great news for NHL going forward. KHL can now offer much better financial incentives than NHL, and at least for now, without fear of another work stoppage, another possible roll back, and another revenue sharing cut. It’s only a matter of time when we start seeing not only Russian, but other talented players from Europe not entering the NHL draft.

  4. Awaiting announcement today from Leningrad about Kovalchuk’s new $100m+ deal and then watch all those people who commented about how much he was giving up etc. eat humble pie. I’m starting to believe comments made by Matthew Barnaby yesterday about Russians and money.

  5. Stranger Nation on

    Looks like Buck Richard$ is working out in Hamptons –>>>>

    Working out like a fiend amongst the polo ponies and fellow millionaires

    ”come back’ story of the year…

  6. Its one thing that annoyed me about all the reaction yesterday ilb. Don’t make this out like he’s giving up all that money for his family etc. Yes, i’m sure he’d rather be at home, and that weighs in a little, but the offer of $15-20m per year at a very low tax rate (which the team may even pay FOR him) is obviously the driving factor here.

  7. Matty "HopeNashIsMonsterInYear2"Boy on

    I realize I am here sparingly, but my posts are barely noticed.

    WIth knowledge, I said yesterday that this was mutual and expected by both parties. It was financial in that Kovie will be guaranteed his pay and get a huge contract from KHL.

    According to Devils sources, they are saying he didn’t fit the system and they don’t work well with super stars on that team.

    The bigger part of the problem is that they are bleeding money under the current ownership and there could be more loss of personnel. And I am not talking about players so much.

    If the NHL cannot fix the problem, one that they have already invested $millions$ into, this team will implode before our very eyes.

    Remember where you heard it.

  8. Matty "HopeNashIsMonsterInYear2"Boy on

    I am one who likes the Devils to be strong and solid in the east. It makes it more fun when we do beat them.

    It’s just that all these years they have had a GM that makes ours look like a child. 21 out of 25 years and 3 cups??

    What an amazing job. Often on a shoestring, too.

  9. Lou makes it look like a shoestring but actually its a few yards of rope, and it belongs to the bank.

  10. Gotta feel bad for Cory Schneider. I don’t care what he says, this is not a situation he wanted to be in. Playing backup for another two years or so. On top of that, they just lost their best player.

    I hope he wants out after his contract ends.

  11. How many other Devils players want to void their contracts today? After losing Clarkson, Kovy plus Parise last year and paying nearly $25m for Clowecussion and $4m for a backup goalie. They could easily field 4 lines though:
    1, 4A, 4B, 4C

  12. I like how Kovy’s helmet says META DOH in the picture you posted. Very Meta…

    Meta Dough
    Meta DOH!

    Now they can trade schneider for clarkson/bernier or reimer and a pick.

    I’ll bet they sign Grabovski (grab bagovski) now too. And Jagr. Definitely Jagr.

  13. Rob in Beantown on

    Kovalchuk is history’s greatest monster for wanting to play in a league where he will make more money and be closer to his family

  14. Better off in Russia. Long as he doesn’t play for the Ukraine. They’re weak. A sitting duck. A road apple.

    Ps- I remember a lot of Rangers fans being up in arms about not pulling a trade for Kovalchuk when he landed in NJ. Wonder their thoughts now about how elite Kovy is and what we shoulda given up for him.

  15. Happy birthday Lin! Come back to us Linda! Damn you! I hope you’re reading this and laughing. It’s so hot. Milk was a bad choice..

  16. Now we hate on players who don’t work out in the offseason somewhere in Siberia like in Rocky IV. “He’s not training hard enough”…pathetic

  17. And lib- re: losing players to the khl over money / Europeans not entering the draft: I can live with it if it helps put an end to the obnoxious contracts and work stoppages in this league. Ultimately players that want to play for a pay day won’t bother w the NHL and they can keep their talents in Europe. Those who want to compete in the NHL will.

  18. How do you understand the Enlglish definition of the word “retire”? #AskKovalchuk

  19. Were you convinced to make this move by your Supreme Leader and Emporor, Ovechkin? #AskKovalchuk

  20. Did you “retire” because Marty ate all of your Kishka and Borscht? #AskKovalchuk

  21. Rob in Beantown on

    Do Moscow girls make you sing and shout that Georgia’s on your mi mi mi mi mi mi mi mi mi mi mi mi mi mi mi mind? #AskKovy

  22. So the KHL gets exactly what it wants and Kovi will be rewarded handsomely for it. A superstar player still in his prime says “Who cares about the Stanley Cup? I can get everything I want (money, fame, happiness, etc) AND get to stay home.” It will take time and more elite players would have to follow suit, but this will impact the talent level in the NHL.

    And, if it happens, don’t think it will get rid of stupid contracts. The owners will still spend the same way, only on lesser talent (see Clarkson, David).

  23. The NHL owners may have to wise up and realize that the Russians are attracting world class players because of the money. NHL Escrow and the player’s share of revenue as well as US/Canadian taxes are a joke compared to KHL. There is much less incentive to come here and play and there is in fact an incentive for North American’s to play over there…

  24. Let me say this- the money has always been the main factor attracting European players to come to North America. Followed by the level of competitiveness, AND followed by the desire to win the Cup. Realize this: for a lot of Europeans who do not grow up in North America, winning the Olympic Gold medal and WC is much more prestigious than winning the Stanley Cup. Do not underestimate what just happened. The money is already better in KHL, if it attracts more elite players it will become more and more competitive. I do not see how that benefits NHL.

  25. Rob in Beantown on

    Is the KHL a league where everybody avoids hits, never backchecks, and skates at 70% all the time? That’s how I imagine it

  26. Gravy, Just Gravy on

    Every time it seems like the Devils should stink, they don’t stink. So, they’re winning the Cup this year.

  27. Gravy, Just Gravy on

    Cost certainty is going to turn into revenue certainty if players start leaving.

  28. Rob in Beantown on

    ilb, I was mostly kidding, but are the games ever on TV in the U.S.? I’d check it out if there were on.

  29. “Oh, show me around your snow-peaked mountains way down south
    Take me to your daddy’s farm
    Let me hear your balalaikas ringing out
    Come and keep your comrade warm
    I’m back in the U.S.S.R.
    Hey you don’t know how lucky you are, boys
    Back in the U.S.S.R.

  30. Gravy, it seems that way doesn’t it? They’ll plug in some kid who will tear it up as they have done every year. I agree with youse who say this move will be bad for the NHL and its abilty to attract euro talent. Its fine by me if it means more US kids hitting the pro ice and I’m really proud of the number of US born players on our Rangers!

  31. They are on sometimes, Rob. You can also catch them online on those websites like and other similar websites. The ice is bigger, the fights are more brutal and the goaltending is sub par.

  32. Remember the Dynamo, Wings, and Army teams? Top physical conditioning while our Western players smoked Camels and knocked back shots and beer. They were like ballet on ice.
    $250 per month and a $2500 bonus for a gold medal or a world championship, cheap apartments, travel, Wrangler blue jeans, public adoration. ‘Guys like us, we had it made. Those were the days.’

  33. That’s what I’m reading. I imagine every team in the league would kill to have him, but he can’t be your best forward, he’s just the ideal 2C. I imagine this is how Callahan’s next deal will look too. Great player, team centerpiece, but you can’t give him $6MM per for what he produces.

  34. Maybe they are going to plug the hole in his lungs with wadded up hundred dollar bills?

  35. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Once Hernandez is freed – he must be signed to take care of the penalty Kill.

  36. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Cally / step

    Moore / Boyle

    Aaron Hernandez / George Zimmerman

    That is a killing unit

  37. I guess the Bruins had to sign Bergeron. You can’t find a better two-way center. He wins like 115% of all face offs. He scores at a decent pace. He’s sizeable. Have to lock him up. SO why not?

    It’s just a LOT of money for a LOT of years. They all scare me.

  38. @GlobeKPD 1m

    Combined Rask, Bergeron, Chara cap hit will be approx $20.5M in ’14-15. Predicted ceiling of $70M. 3 players approx 30 pct of payroll.

    Good move by Boston, eh? One Goalie, One D-Man and One Forward. Very balanced.

  39. Gravy, Just Gravy on

    Manny, kinda like Lumdqvist, Nash, and McD. Although we can argue that our 3 are better than their 3.

  40. ” You can’t find a better two-way center.”
    Pavel Datsyuk. That’s about it, though.

  41. Lundqvist > Rask
    Chara > McDonagh (for now)
    Nash > Bergeron (at scoring)

    I think it’s pretty equal. Who would you rather have in a tight playoff series? Bergeron’s two-way ability is remarkable. Rask should have won the Conn Smythe despite losing. And Chara, well, he’s a force.

  42. Chara is 36. I’ll take McD going forward. And this year, he should be freed-up offensively a tad.

  43. Doodie Machetto on

    I think 6.5 million is a steal. This guy is going to be a Selke nominee for the next 4 years. And it’s only a 1.5 million increase from what he is already getting.

  44. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    JR – “some of the recent signings are indicatory of a time when finding the golden goose by laying an egg”

  45. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Per Darren Dreger : torts’ car seat looking for an extension in years, money, and straps.

  46. Rob in Beantown on

    Jeremy Roenick ?@Jeremy_Roenick 19h
    I’m so irate right now. I feel bad for Lou lamoriello. Gave a 100 million dollar contract to a player who has no care for the NHL!

  47. Rob in Beantown on

    Jeremy Roenick ?@Jeremy_Roenick 19h
    Uwill all see now why I have talked negatively about kovalchuk !!! He doesn’t want to play for the devils and he’ll end up in the KHL!!!

  48. ‘The police are not here to create disorder, they’re here to preserve disorder.” Mayor Richard Daley, circa 1972.

  49. JR – “kovalchuk and those russians are all six of a dozen half of one of another.”

  50. Will the departure of Kovalchuk allow you to use his stall as an extra refrigerator? #AskBrodeur

  51. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    JR – “if you want to play in russia. Driving to the games while living in the USA will not be easy” #long commutes

  52. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    When the faceoff is at the opposite end, do you prefer a dozen doughnuts or a large cheese pie before the puck is dropped? #ask marty

  53. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    JR – “put-in, the Russian King, has a great hockey name for such a goal scorer established by kovie”

  54. King with no Ring on

    The combination of Chara, Rask, and Bergeron is significantly better than the combination of McDonagh, Lundqvist, and Nash.

    In that scenario, each Bruin is better than the Ranger.

    Before anyone labels this trolling, note the younger Rask’s better career GAA and Save % compared to that of Lundqvist.

  55. JR: “The Rangers will be more fortunate once they dissolve the mystery of the power play.”

  56. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    JR – “the rinks in russia use perplexed glass which can confuse the puck after its released”

  57. Rob in Beantown on

    Jeremy Roenick @Jeremy_Roenick
    Studiest thing iv heard since Aaron Hernandez .. Kovalchuk retiring !!! Is he out of his mind??? Something is fishy

  58. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    JR – “I’ve noticed that many players are earning most of any. It is a sign of something.”

  59. JR – “this tail is so ridiculous that not even father goose could rhyme to it”

  60. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    JR – “playing in the NHL means you are not playing elsewhere. Kovie must be mandated otherwise its mute”

  61. JR – “if any of the 30 teams vote no against kovalchuk playing in the NHL again that means he cannot play in the NHL again”

  62. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    JR – “Craig button is stupider than Engblom and I fathomed that as no way”

  63. JR: “The Hawks just flew right out of the gate and plummeted to the top of their division.”

  64. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    JR – “Canada is a better city to play in than russia. Why he chose to move there is in escaping me mostly”

  65. Rob in Beantown on

    JR – “Now you can see my analytics about these things are indutifully correct”

  66. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    JR – ” when the weather turns adismal, kovie will understand why warm is hotter than cold”

  67. Rob in Beantown on

    JR – “How Kovie could steal 20 million from Lou Lamoriello is beyond my condescension”

  68. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    JR – “I’ve had someone read to me that everything either happens for a reason or not. Therefore, kovie leaving NJ falls into some category”

  69. JR: Why they teamed me with Milbury is a misty tree. He’s like an amber cross hanging around my neck.”

  70. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    JR – “mysteries surround our own selves so often that knowing anything that is certainly must be questionable”

  71. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Engblom – “anybody reading how stupider JR is? He can’t even write well language”

  72. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    JR – “Engblom, you are stupider. I have brain cells that know things that you don’t”

  73. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Engblom – “you failed first grade the same quantity of times that I did …. What makes you not stupider than me? Sorry, you are complementary stupider than me”

  74. Jr – “and for those of you who didn’t know, the amber cross is from a cold ridge poem”

  75. _Before anyone labels this trolling, note the younger Rask’s better career GAA and Save % compared to that of Lundqvist._

    C’mon, dude. Comparing rate stats in 1/3 the career games is pretty goofy, isn’t it? Rask has to play 5 more years at this level to match present day Henrik.

    (And if the argument is “he’s younger!”, doesn’t that flip McDonagh and Chara? But granted, I’ll take Bergeron on my team over Nash regardless.)

  76. Rob in Beantown on

    JR – “I believe Kovalchuk will at a later time view these actions in hindsight as having been misjudged”

  77. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    JR – “go chase your shadow Engblom. I want to talk about the state of fairs in the NHL this season”

  78. Rarely do you see someone miss literally every single point when making an argument, but Roenick has managed to do it.

  79. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    JR – “whenever you decide a decision usually it means something. Kovie will soon recognize that in bold letters”

  80. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    JR – “there is no such thing as hindsight. Your eyes are on your face not on the back of your head.”

  81. Are GM’s ever traded, say Lou for Sather and we throw in Richards plus big bucks?

    Just as a discussion topic , how many cups would Lou have won as GM of the Rangers especially during the “gift giving” period of early free agency?

    And had Lou been with the Oilers for Sather’s number of years he might have won 7-8 cups!

  82. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    JR – “by providing his example to play in russia next season, kovie leaves some questions needing clarity”

  83. Edward the Third, unless they’re on your I pad , cell phone or your putting on your makeup!

  84. JR: “If NHL stars start signing in Russia, it will throw the NHL into a quarry.”

  85. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    JR – “I just had some pound cake that seemed really light. I will complain to my waitress”

  86. Rob in Beantown on

    I’ll bite. I actually think Rask is a good goaltender and his contract is a good one, but for the sake of argument, he’s only started over the past 4 seasons: 45 games, 29 games, 23 games, and 36 games. Not exactly workhorse goaltender numbers.

    Compare that to Lundqvist now: 43 games, 62 games, 68 games, 73 games.

    It really isn’t fair to compare Rask’s and Lundqvist’s numbers until we’re comparing them under a similar number of starts over a longer amount of time

  87. JR: “Some of our colored players would like to change the name to the Spike Lee Cup.”

  88. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    JR – “the league is in a situation that cannot be fully fermented until the vision is established by players and owners working apart and in tandem.

  89. Rob in Beantown on

    I quoted the numbers backwards for Lundqvist, but it makes my point better if you reverse them and read them the right way

  90. JR: “If Frank Langella has any more defectors, he’ll become a devil worshiper.”

  91. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    JR – “I have heard that kovie left because he was leaving. Makes sense”

  92. King with no Ring on

    There is a greater chance that Rask can approximate Lundqvist’s value than McDonagh approximating Chara’s value.

    McDonagh is lacking in many areas in comparison to Chara. Specifically, he is lacking in two key areas in which he can never overcome the difference. Chara’s height and powerful shot.

  93. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    JR – “the devils face what could be something different than it was. That I state inphatically.”

  94. JR – “whenever i think of kovalchuk retiring it reminds me of that song once shy twice bitten”

  95. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    JR – “whenever a new or old of anything is what becomes the possible, then it’s reality is an extension of all”

  96. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    JR – “you cannot argue with what never is. Contemplating what you see around you will be revealed”

  97. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    JR – “I highly and lowly question kovie’s decision to play in another city next year. I’m compounded and confused”

  98. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    JR – “kovie is the best player ever to wear 17 on the devils last year. How you replace him is mystified”

  99. “Richie, you don’t have to put on the red light.
    Those days are over
    You don’t have to sell your body to the night.”

  100. _126 starts is a representative sample._

    Cory Schneider too or not since he hasn’t crossed the “full 1.5 years of starts” threshold yet?

  101. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    JR – “players have changed since I retired. When I played, I was a player and I played. Today, it is different. I can’t pin point the exactitude, but it’s relevant”

  102. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    JR – “we all have baggage when we travel. Unless I am just going to the store to buy milk”

  103. JR: “When you’re in the AHL, it’s a sterile environment. You have to carry your own luggage, it doesn’t just come.”

  104. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    JR – “one thing that I’ve never understood is how elevators work. One minute you are on the 40th floor and the next, the first floor…. Yet you never moved?”

  105. JR: “I saw Lundqvist on the elevator carrying a pheasant up to the fifth floor. Guess he was trying to elevate his game.”

  106. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    JR – “how does the wind work? I can’t see it, but I know it’s there”

  107. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    JR – “one last thing that confuses me… One minute I am sleeping then I am awake. It’s like magic. How do I always know to wake up whenever I wake up?”

  108. JR: “I have a thermos. When I put in hot things, it stays hot; when I put in cold things, it stays cold. How do it know?”

  109. JR: “People scoff at me when I tell them that God’s name is Howard. I just go by the old prayer, ‘Our Father who art in heaven, Howard be thy name.”

  110. Janet Napolitano stepping down as Homeland Security Chief. Who’s next, Beyonce?

  111. czechthemout!!! on

    The KHL is no threat to the NHL. Any league in which Marcel Hossa was its leading scorer is a joke! Kovy bolted because he saw the Deviks lose Parise and Clarkson in two seasons without a viable replacement. He sees the writing on the wall. Yhe Devils have no shot at the Cup in the near future and given the fact that he has already spent 11 years here with nothing to show for it, and the fact that his contract is untradable, why not go there and make a boat load of money and play a lot less while doing it?

    Also, Nikushkin just signed a 3 year deal to play in the NHL, turning dow a bigger offer from Russia. He wants to play in the best league in the world as do many other Russians.

    So let the Khl have their malcontents like Radulov, Kovy and Burnistrov. Big deal! The league won’t miss them at all!

  112. @DarrenDreger 36s

    Jake Muzzin agreed to terms with L.A. @ 2013-14: 1M and 2014-15: 1M.

  113. Since my controversial appearances here began with me & Carp disputing whether the NYR had offered IK a contract (they had, though nothing as ridiculous as NJ) perhaps I should weigh in. Well, even now its impossible to justify Sather passing on IK only to pony up for the useless Richards later. Same time, Kovy always looked miserable in NJ, and it was a matter of time before he went…. somewhere. Would tthe Rangers 1st class treatment of players and stable finances have made a difference? We’ll never know. But this deal stinks to the high heavens, and the talent loss for Nj brightens my mood. When Sather finally completes a deal for a dman that can hammer the puck itll be even brighter.

  114. iWicky "Frag Out!!!" on

    Happy birthday Linda!!!

    I agree re bergeron’s contract.

    Have we traded 2 d men yet?

    I don’t care how many Russians the NHL loses as long as we don’t lose any Ukrainians ;)

  115. Marty had a little lamb,
    And then a little crow
    Topped it off with layer cake
    And then a little blow.

  116. I will take Penner just for his hilarious tweeting alone. His 12 playoff goals are a complete bonus.

  117. Now that The Office is off the air, Penner should be able to concentrate full time on hockey.

  118. Ya b, cotyelpes matrich ..razrzhitye vampomoch

    what does it mean? Who knows…when I was younger, the folks next door to us were
    proprietors of a convenience store and tried to teach me Russian. They were Ukrainians. I tried to explain to them that I had difficulty
    with a language that had many more consonants then vowels. ( They had two gorgeous daughters, both over 6 feet tall and blond.. Stella, and Ilena.

  119. I didn’t know Sioux was competing against Roberto Luongo in the World Series of Poker!


    New Puck Daddy: Roberto Luongo busts out of 2013 World Series of Poker

  120. Leetchhalloffame on

    Love that the Devils new big man on campus just happens to come along with one of the worst long-term contracts in the league. Enjoy watching Slowe Clowe get even slower over the next 5 years Lou and all Devils fans.

  121. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    320 oz steak and 5lb bag of potatoes – snack or presnack? #ask Marty

  122. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    When logic and proportion have fallen sloppy dead and the white knight is talking backwards and the red queen is “off with her head” remember what the door mouse said

    Feed the head
    Feed the head.

  123. what’s going on with stepan and the rangers? why hasn’t the rangers sign stepan yet? What are they waiting for? signed, impatient fan.

  124. “Dear Abby, Dear Abby …
    My feet are too long
    My hair’s falling out and my rights are all wrong
    My friends they all tell me that I’ve no friends at all
    Won’t you write me a letter, Won’t you give me a call
    Signed Bewildered.”

  125. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Torts – “roll these ******* windows down, I need some ******* fresh ******* air”

  126. Tort’s dad: “Could you possibly shut the hell up for five minutes straight, back there?”

    “Don’t try to coach, fat man.”

  127. Marty’s Continental Breakfast is an entire Town Car smothered in rusty onions and Newman’s basil/oregano sauce.

  128. Rangers will be interesting next year. A lot of if’s: AV, Staal, Richards, MDZ, Kristo, Kreider, Miller, Brassard, J. Moore, D. Moore, McIlrath…

    This team could be pretty good or they could be fighting for the lottery. Probably between the two but who knows.

  129. fran
    at 1:58 PM
    “Ya b, cotyelpes matrich ..razrzhitye vampomoch”
    First part – butchered dirtiest cursing, mentioning someone mother in derogatory way…second part – just gallant form of saying: “Allow me to help you”.
    This combination, probably, is in rarest use in one sentence.
    Always happy to help.

  130. …OK, some Human Factor, overheated brains, etc.
    meanwhile, I’m drinking 2nd day for Greed and Loyalless – my personal most hated (and scary) hockey man possess as his best quality, who punished my most hated hockey club (could be a blessing in disguise, though, for them in a long run). But for now, I’m tenderly rubbing my glass in a glee…

  131. A Briton, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden. “Look at their reserve, their calm,” muses the Brit. “They must be British.” “Nonsense,” the Frenchman disagrees. “They’re naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French.” “No way! They have no clothes and no shelter,” the Russian points out, “They have only an apple to eat, and they are being told they live in a paradise. Obviously, they are Russian.”

  132. Speaking about Adam and Eve…

    Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
    I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with “Guess” on it…so I said “Implants?”
    Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

  133. cooscoos
    “And when Adam covered his privates with a fig leaf, he was Russian Dressing”.
    LOL. That’s a good one…Quick and sharp. (hmm, sounds like some hockey players)

  134. My ESL teacher axed me for the definition of a subordinate clause. I said, ‘a helper at the North Pole.’

  135. When Marty eats a thousand islands, does he smother them with thousand island dressing?

  136. #62 passed a sign in a used car lot that said No Hagelin’, so he went in and said why not?

  137. Look, if you don’t know what are you really want, you inevitably get just what was left.

  138. Hmm. Golf tomorrow, but:
    “It’s raining, raining in my cart
    Oh, misery, misery,
    What’s gonna become of me?
    I tell my blues they mustn’t show
    But soon these tears are bound to flow,
    ’cause it’s raining, raining in my cart.”

  139. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Hernandez obviously good on the penalty kill and it seems he can blast away from the point – sign him up after his 2 life sentences finish..

  140. Interesting observation, Papa. His agent says, “I’m short about 7 million. How do I fit into this?”

    Kovi: “You don’t. Do svidania, moia lubov. (goodbye, my love) Sue me.”

  141. Marty spending summer in Westhampton on water. Renting lower chin to interested parties.

  142. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Paint the Goodyear blimp green and tell Marty it’s a pickle…. No more Goodyear blimp…

  143. Marty will be floating over British Open next weekend, with Snoopy painted on belly.

  144. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Farmer – “how do you like my new cow?”

    Marty – “rare”

    Farmer – ” no, quite common”

    Marty – “what?”

  145. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    History class –

    Prof – today we discuss the Duke of Wellington

    Marty – I like his brother Beef

  146. ‘I don’t need a menu, dear, just keep bringing me things and I’ll tell you when to stop.’

  147. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Meeting of the five families

    Vito Corleone – is Don Bleu here

    Marty – chicken?

    Vito – no, he’s quite tough

    Marty – look, I’ll eat anything

  148. Marty to Dahmer: Jeffrey, I don’t like your friends.”

    “So have salad for a change, Fat Albert.”

  149. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Kooz – a good friend of mine went to Marquette when Jeffery was eating the neighborhood.

  150. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Jeffery’s dad – is your friend staying for dinner?

    Jeffery – sort of

  151. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Jeffery’s dad – what do you think of Susie?

    Jeffery – tasty!

    Jeffery’s dad – you’re naughty.

    Jeffery – and hungry.

  152. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    To dahmer’s credit – he said if you let him out he’ll do it again…

  153. dad: “what year is your friend in at Marquette?”

    “He’s a sophomore, but soon he’ll be in junior.”

  154. ‘Yond Cassius has that lean and hungry look… Such men are dangerous’ Act 1, Scene II

  155. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Jeffery – what do you think of Tom?

    Jeffery’s dad – well?

    Jeffery – well, medium, rare makes no matter to me.

  156. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Jeffery’s mom – want seconds?

    Jeffery – I’m full of Phil

    Jeffery’s mom – full of what?

    Jeffery – never mind

  157. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Jeffery – I love women’s soccer

    Friend – how about Mia Hamm?

    Jeffery – only on Easter

  158. Jeffrey, threatened by Bubba on first night in prison, “I eat guys like you for breakfast.”

  159. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Jeffery – who are the rangers’ announcers?

    Friend – Salmon Joe

    Jeffery – I love fish

  160. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Jeffery’s fav song as a lad – head shoulders knees and toes, knees and toes

  161. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Jeffery’s therapist – need a shoulder to cry on?

    Jeffery – You can have the tears, just give me the shoulder

  162. To dad: “Somebody stole my Head and Shoulders.”

    “So, use another shampoo.”


  163. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Jeffery’s gym coach – who wants to run neck and neck with Jeffery? What no volunteers?

  164. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Football coach – who wants to man up with Jeffery? C’mon somebody please!!

  165. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Jeffery – lets go see a scary movie tonight?

    Friend – I don’t have the stomach

    Jeffery – just wait

  166. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Jeffery – want to hear some Who?

    Friend – do you have “behind blue eyes” on CD?

    Jeffery – no but I have it in the fridge

  167. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Friend – fish is good brain food

    Jeffery – I prefer to skip the middleman

  168. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Friend – who wants to live there? The armpit of America?

    Jeffery – I do I do

  169. Warden: “If they give you capital punishment, I have to give you exactly what you want for your last meal. Please, be a gentleman.”

  170. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Friend – you want Raisin Bran for breakfast?

    Jeffery – Ray’s in Bran? Sure

  171. detective: “Don’t try to put a spin on this stuff.”

    “But I met most of them at the laudromat.”

  172. Lieutenant Joe Kenda, questioning Jeffrey: “Well, well, well. What have we here?”

  173. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Jeffery’s mom – want some cod liver oil?

    Jeffery – who is cod? Do I know him?

  174. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Kids in class singing – the leg bone is connected to the shin bone..,

    Jeffery – not for long!

  175. Jeffrey, pushing hair across table to dad: “You want some locks on that bagel?”

  176. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Jeffery’s mom – do we need some arm and hammer?

    Jeffery – keep the hammer

  177. Jeffrey to visitor: “How long are you going to be in town?”

    “Not too long. I’m trying to stick it out.”

    “Well, go ahead.”

  178. dad: “He used to kill snakes and slugs and dogs and then eat them, but I thought he’d grow out of it.”

  179. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Jeffery’s girlfriend – my heart is yours…

    Jeffery – why stop there

  180. Jeffrey invites Ranger to dinner, mom says: “Jeffrey, I see you’re eating Fast tonight.”


  181. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Jeffery’s teacher – bite your tongue!

    Jeffery – I’d rather bite yours…

  182. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Admiral – all hands on deck

    Jeffery – this is why I joined the navy

  183. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Jeffery’s mom – your birthday is coming up.. Who shall we invite to the party?

    Jeffery – if they can breathe … Invite them

  184. Invites Pope to lunch. pope says, “What are we having?”

    Jeffrey: “Oh, I don’t know. I have catholic tastes.”

  185. In touch with the ground
    I’m on the hunt I’m after you
    Smell like I sound, I’m lost in a crowd
    And I’m hungry like the wolf

    Straddle the line in discord and rhyme
    I’m on the hunt I’m after you
    Mouth is alive with juices like wine
    And I’m hungry like the wolf

  186. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Friend – ever read Catcher in the rye?

    Jeffery – no but I ate a catcher on rye!!

  187. “There’s a moon over bourbon street tonight
    I see faces as they pass beneath the pale lamplight
    I’ve no choice but to follow that call
    The bright lights the people and the moon and all
    I pray everyday to be strong
    For i know what i do must be wrong
    Oh you’ll never see my shade or hear the sound of my feet
    While there’s a moon over bourbon street

  188. Jeffrey to dad: “I’m tired of eating all these kids and their sneakers. I need some leather!”

  189. “Is that a boiling pot of water on the stove or are you just happy to see me?”

  190. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Jeffery’s dad – need some Levi’s

    Jeffery – of course, I’m starving!

    Dad – what?

  191. “Did you ever eat smoked turkey?”

    “No, but I’m gonna smoke you Turkey, and then I’m gonna eat you”

  192. Mom to Jeffrey after his first day at school: “What did you make of your new teacher?”

    Jeffrey: “Stew.”

  193. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Friend – you like papa john pizza Jeffery?

    Jeffery – keep the pizza, I’ll eat papa John

  194. Coos, spent the last 2 months in Ranger re-hab. Just like every season except

  195. e3, embarrassed to say the library time ran out. I have to go back to Scarsdale, where it sits – only library in Westchester to stock it.

  196. Aaron Hernandez overheard talking to cell mate, “I should’ve ate the mother fugger”

  197. Hernandez’ attorney: “Don’t think of it as eating a dead body, think of it as destroying evidence.”

  198. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Papa – the rangers were lucky to a) make the playoffs and b) beat the craps. The Bruins completely dominated that series and after trailing 2-0 in game 4, I was fearing a sweep.

    Torts was fired as a result, so all in all, a happy ending.

  199. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Aaron Hernandez #perfect crime. How did they ever figure out it was him?

  200. Eddie, think we’re in for some lean years with this team. Season sucked, from start to finish. The icing on the cake was the failure to shoot horse teeth when they had the chance.

  201. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Papa – after Avery was released I was depressed for a month….then after not resigning Clowe and keeping Richards – more icing on the cake – tough being a ranger fan – at least the giants might be competitive…

  202. Hernandez to Brady. “Go ahead, throw it to Gronkowski again and you’ll be sleeping in the gravel pit by my home before you know it. and then, for dessert, I’ll be gang banging Giselle in your California Mansion with my homie’s”

  203. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Hernandez – throw me a bullet

    Brady – you mean a pass?

    Hernandez – no, I mean a bullet, I’m almost out…

  204. e, you know that many enthusiastic, big time Giant fans forget that Buffalo is in NY. Funny.

  205. Warden to Dahmer on eve of execution. “Jeffrey, any special requests for your last meal?”

    Jeffrey to Warden, “How about Rufus in cell block G?”

  206. Bubba: “What them tats cost you?”

    Hernandez: “All together, maybe 15 thou.”

    Bubba: :Sheeeyit, you shoulda done waited. You can get that whole crazy sheeeyit done here for two tens.”

  207. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Jeffery was sliced like a pizza in the big house. Rough end… Like a rump roast..,

  208. CCCP, pass the chips and turn off that light if you’re gonna play with yourself. :)

  209. “Jeffrey, there’s a terrible odor in here.”

    “If you smelt it, you probably dealt it.”

  210. Going to leave this brokedown palace,
    On my hand and knees, I will roll, roll, roll.
    Make myself a bed in the waterside,
    In my time, I will roll, roll roll.

    In a bed, in a bed, by the waterside I will lay my head.
    Listen to the river sing sweet songs, to rock my soul.

    Night all

  211. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Friend – Aaron, you made a killing with your new contract

    Hernandez – killing? I was asleep

  212. Jeff to Hernandez: “What does that tattoo say?”

    “Says, ‘I Bad.'”

    “Don’t sulk. You’ll probably be OK with a little Newman’s marinade.”

  213. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Jeffery – you have nice arms!

    Hernandez – I pump lots of iron. I shoot people.

    Jeffery – I don’t pump iron. I eat people.

  214. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Jeffery’s mom – do you like Dave, our new neighbor?

    Jeffery – baked at 375 F, 4 hours, just perfect

  215. Only 569 to 1,000, but I have tree surgeons due here -tomorrow- today AM. They’re going to remove my wallet and leaf me very little. Ciao……

  216. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Jeffery’s mom – I see you with a friend one time and he disappears… What gives?

    Jeffery – they pass on through, it seems

  217. next post at 4:28 – “What the f…’s going on here? Who’s our third line center? Huh? Jesus!”

  218. Good morning, Sally!

    Great job, night shifters. If only LoHud knew how inflated our numbers are due to your diligent work. And now Papa’s back in the house. :)

  219. Not convinced Lou didn’t know all along. Not convinced at all. The chump change they’re on the hook for is a little too convenient.

  220. Irony or just plain stupidity, you choose.

    Don Cherry hockey’s resident loud mouth and no nothing comments on Kovy leaving the Devs thusly.

    “It’s a good deal if you have no honor”!

    Really, going home with an equal financial package is dishonorable?

    I’ll mention it to Tim Geithner who just received $400k for three speeches having left government to return to the private sector!

  221. Geithner, the second smartest guy in the world, lives near me and somehow failed to anticipate the housing bubble. He couldn’t sell his house even with a half million dollar discount, so he rented it out just to pay the property taxes and moved into an apartment. The second smartest guy in the world also seems to have had years of trouble figuring his income tax and social security payments correctly. There’s more, but I won’t bore you further.

  222. ed3x – I got so groggy last night, I posted your exact joke one minute later. Sorry. I know I didn’t miss it, because I never miss a post from anyone. You have a three hour advantage on me at that hour. :)

  223. Re-po from last night:

    Ever wonder what happened to the kid in sixth grade who told Asham that he had a funny name? :))

  224. ex- Knick guard Baron Davis says he was kidnapped by aliens on the road near Vegas at 4AM. – said they were poking at his nose and chit. They dropped him off at a burger joint.

  225. Rob in Beantown on

    Rangers Report retweeted
    Dmitry Chesnokov @dchesnokov
    #KHL’s Atlant officially terminated Nik Zherdev’s contract today. Any takers?

    Do we even have the money?

  226. Incredible work last night fellas.

    Great highlight package replays of past seasons playoff games on NHL network all day, lots of TSN coverage, set the dvr.

  227. Seee, it was good to see Papa Bear back last night. He hasn’t fully recovered from managerial moves and our loss to Boston, but he’s trying his damndest.

  228. eddie eddie eddie on

    linda lou, i see you, is it true, Im wearing blue, have no flu, 4,3,2, Jcrew, love me do, bronz zoo


  229. Seems like Sather has do decide among Pyatt, Boyle, or Zucc. Unlikely he can keep all three. Doubt DelZ is on the block since they have shored up D, but with no one to replace him.

  230. eddie eddie eddie on

    DDe – where you be, i say to thee, barry beck wore #3, hope all is well, ring the bell, william tell, jam and gel, well, well, well…


  231. eddie eddie eddie on

    nyr fan – i will tell you who IS smart …aaron hernandez…#criminal mastermind #genius #perfect crime

    it took every ounce of police skill to catch him

  232. Heard (meaning nothing to hang your hat on) that Slats would like Step to take 2 years at somewhat less than he’s worth with smiles and promises of making it all up and plus on the next contract when finances loosen up. No way, if I’m his agent. There’s a reason for the cynical phrase “promises, promises.”

  233. When you’re a gangster, half the fun is in the recognition. Therein lies the tragic fault.

  234. eddie eddie eddie on

    Fog’s rollin’ in off the East River bank
    Like a shroud it covers Bleeker Street
    Fills the alleys where men sleep
    Hides the shepherd from the sheep

    Voices leaking from a sad cafe
    Smiling faces try to understand
    I saw a shadow touch a shadow’s hand
    On Bleeker Street

    A poet reads his crooked rhyme
    Holy, holy is his sacrament
    Thirty dollars pays your rent
    On Bleeker Street

  235. eddie eddie eddie on

    there’s a little black spot on the sun today
    its the same ole thing as yesterday

    I have stood here before in the pouring rain
    there’s a million circles running around my brain

    its my destiny to be the King of Pain

  236. Cross Check Charlie on

    “Seems like Sather has do decide among Pyatt, Boyle, or Zucc.”

    I think it depends on how many youngsters are good enough to make the team. Miller, Lindberg, Fast(h), Kristo are 4 possibilities.

    I’d say of the 3 I would jettison Pyatt and Zucc. I keep Boyle just because he brings more to the table as a 4th liner.

  237. eddie eddie eddie on

    and there’s only one thing i can say
    stand by me

    now i got a job, but it dont pay

  238. What did I learn from Manny’s Beard Contest? That ilb and Sioux have uber cute kids.

  239. eddie eddie eddie on

    dear hero im-prisioned
    we know the new crimes you are perfecting
    oooh i cant help quoting you
    cause everything that you say rings true

    and now in my cell when i followed you
    and here’s a list of who i slew
    reggie kray, do you know my name?
    i am the last of the famous international playboys

  240. When I rub Coppertone on my girlfriend’s back, I say, “Tanned by your man.”

  241. e, as I’m sure you well know, the Village isn’t a shadow of what it was when you were growing up here. Alas.

  242. eddie eddie eddie on

    kooz – those lines are paul simon’s Bleeker street…it was on my ipod……written almost 80 years ago :)

  243. eddie eddie eddie on

    kooz – The Haight is alive…commercial as ever……bit dirty…..but it’s a nice stroll from the haight into GG park….SF, while tiny, is a lovely city…..

  244. eddie eddie eddie on

    great history – the 60’s must have been a hoot….SF and Berkeley (which is still a blast)

  245. eddie eddie eddie on

    we were in SF a few weeks ago after a week in the sierra’s 110 degree hell – tho, august 8th, i will be up at berkeley

  246. Thanx for the update. As Phil Everly said, ‘so sad to see good love go bad.’ Happy to hear it’s still kickin’.

  247. eddie eddie eddie on

    where is everybody?….isnt it raining in the city? – gorgeous day here…..

  248. Carp, as one of my old bosses said about me, ‘this kid ain’t all that bright, but he’s got a lot of energy.’ :)

  249. eddie eddie eddie on

    jagger looked slow as molasses during the playoffs…still strong on the puck….but he and pyatt are about the same speed wise…..Oh, to be young and stupid, once again

  250. “Oh, to be young and stupid once again…”

    ‘I’d rather learn from one bird how to sing
    than to teach ten thousand stars how not to dance…’
    e.e. cummings

  251. Not to denigrate, but If Jagr had any wind left, he’d still be 3X Pyatt in the O zone.

  252. eddie eddie eddie on

    When you are old and grey and full of sleep,
    And nodding by the fire, take down this book,
    And slowly read, and dream of the soft look
    Your eyes had once, and of their shadows deep;

  253. Now I remember why I’m here at this hour. Was supposed to play golf but the rain threat chickened everyone out.

  254. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    I will be doing a Pulitzer Prize winning guest blog in the next week that will have guest bloggers stink howling in pain…

  255. Are you guys lonely? I’m upstate. Stuck in the house because of rain. Installing the gates and other child proofing stuff. Little missy is about to start walking.

    Eduardo- GBS is in constant pain as it is…

  256. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    I’m ready for line combos

    Kreider, Brassard, Nash
    Hags,Step, Cally
    Crisco kid, Richards, Miller
    Dorsett, Moore, Boyle

    Fast, Limburger, Pyatt

  257. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Ilb – so much easier when lil one’s aren’t walking – tho some can crawl faster than Pyatt can skate on a breakaway…

  258. It was no costume jewellery I sent:
    True stones cool to the tongue, their settings ancient,
    Their magic evident.
    Conceal your pride, accept them negligently
    But, naked on your couch, wear them for me.

    (Robert Graves. steppin’ out.)

  259. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    I tell ya, my above lines don’t look cup worthy. Huge albatross centering the 3rd line, sadly.

  260. wow!!! from what I’ve read devil fans think they will be better with out Kovalchuk and I agree, never liked Kovalchuk, selfish player that never won nothing wherever he played, needed to play on a winning team and isn’t a player to lead but to ride. Devils will sign brunner and maybe jagr or grabowski and probably will be a better team.

  261. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Touch the captain – and I’ll break your arm

    (Adam Graves. Stepping on the ice)

  262. Wick, I didn’t see your kid on there. Sorry. I’ll re-look if I can find the site.

  263. iWicky "Frag Out!!!" on

    Speaking of the beard contest, the only thing worse than losing to a girl with a clearly fake beard (sallycrepes), is losing to a guy that owns more shoes than Imelda Marcos (Nasty)!!

  264. Graves and Mess stayed friends. Schultz says Booby Clarke befriended him when he didn’t need him anymore.

  265. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    One hour per day in the yard

    (Aaron Hernandez. Stepping out of his cubicle)

  266. Fwiw, I read Kovalchuk’s interview in Russian. It clearly sounds as Lou knew about his strong desire to return to Russia right after the new CBA was approved, and during the season. I think Lou knew all along he could retire from NHL.

  267. Lou knew. Chucky was even up in the air about returning at all after the lockout.

  268. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Koval Shook, while talented, should have been a tennis player…. Team sports not his thang.

  269. Of course, Wick! Your picture is so damned imposing, it focuses the eye away from the little one. How could I have missed that? Cute as a button. Love the smile on little kids. Seems they know something we don’t and they’re not telling. :)

  270. They’re so happy to be here. We have to be careful to not take that away from them.

  271. Coos- I second what Wicky said:)

    Sovetsky Sport is reporting that Kovalchuk is about to become the highest paid hockey player ever. Same author claims that he predicted this back in January. Go figure.

  272. Hey All.. So fun to see the same guys from the season still posting here! That is why rangers fans are the best! So much passion.

    I probably missed this in another thread, but was very interested to hear what sioux-perman had to say about the Trade for Danny Kristo?

    No soup for you!

  273. he thought it was Christmas.

    probably already bought a Kristo jersey. Predicts great things.

    I am watching that April 3 dismantling of the Pens with the new Columbus guys. I am looking forward to more games like that next year.

  274. Wish I could sit in my jacuzzi in Monterrey eating figs and drinking a Bryant Family 2009 cabernet.

  275. “Bottle of red, bottle of white
    It all depends on your appetite.
    I’ll meet you any time you want
    In our Italian Restaurant.”

  276. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Yergs – I hate hockey – I come Here for the laughs…

    Btw, as I type, I’m burning 30 seconds over winterland on my iPod / jorma’s work when the earth moves again is riveting – along with grace howling / love it

  277. If we had kept Gabby and unloaded Richie for that Columbus group, I’d be giddy. No such luck.

  278. John Scott: “I was laughing so hard, I fell down.” See, there’s more than one way to skin a cat.

  279. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Kooz – aside from some nice pinos and syrahs – this summer has been all chards and reislings

  280. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Kooz – we might be back over Xmas – if so, drink up – I’m thirsty

  281. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Grapes growing from Napa all the way down to Santa Barbara with stops everywhere in between.

  282. ‘Don’t go around tonight,
    Well, it’s bound to take your life,
    There’s a bathroom on the rise.’

    ‘Overflow,’ by Creedence :)

  283. Coos, Eddie and Bear, again I repeat let me know where you appearing with this act and I’ll reserve a table.

    Professional badinage!

    Do you need a singer? ;)

  284. Comn – I don’t have a sewing machine, but I usually take my loose buttons to the tailor, so no Singer needed at this time. :)

  285. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Commonsense – our work is more spoken word, errrr, written word. We could use a reader as opposed to a singer.

    Tell me, were you able to stomach our Jeffery jokes? If so, he’d be proud.

  286. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    James Taylor? He did Carly Simon, not sure about Dick Button. But then again, my triple axle was retired eons ago.

  287. eddie eddie eddie on

    Deaf, dumb, and blind boy, he’s in a quiet vibration land
    Strange as it seems, his musical dreams aint quite so bad.

  288. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Going home. And when I wanna go home, I’m going mobile. You can stop in the street and watching people they would meet, going mobile….

    Play the tape machine, make the toast and tea, I’m going mobile…..

    Watch the police and the tax man miss me, I’m mobile……whooooooa yeah…..whoooo.

  289. Jesus and James Taylor teamed up to create Lord and Taylor, harmonize on Amazing Grace; also robes for sale.

  290. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Double axle, double toe, triple toe, triple lutz, sits spin, death spiral, triple axle, hammal camel, flying sits spin, double saw ow, shoots and scores…

  291. Mr. Dahmer to son Jeffrey – “Son, don’t lose your head with all the drinking”

    Jeffrey’ response ….”It’s alright pops, I got seven more in the freezer”

  292. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Jeffery’s dad – she has a nice head on her shoulders!

    Jeffery – just you wait

  293. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Jeffery’s dad – I just measured, I’m about a foot short…

    Jeffery – be right back

  294. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Jeffery’s dad – car just broke down, I need a tow

    Jeffery – I can give you a whole leg… Is that ok?

    Dad – what??

  295. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Police – Jeffery, are you armed?

    Jeffery – heck, I have every part you’d ever need…

  296. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Gymnast coach -,she’s got a great headstand

    Jeffery – try saying that tomorrow

  297. Suspicious cop: “Whatever you’re doing, Jeffrey, you’d better cut it out.”

    Jeffrey: “Not a problem.”

  298. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Friend – do like jet hero Tull’s aqualung?

    Jeffery – you don’t know me well, do you?

  299. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Jeffery’s teacher – you have some nerve?

    Jeffery – I’ve got the whole spinal chord

  300. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Teacher – you have quite the gall young man?

    Jeffery – yes, quite a few in fact

  301. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Friend – I love the Go-Go’s song “our lips are sealed”

    Jeffery – lips are good

  302. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    China man – you speak with fork tongue!!

    Jeffery – oh yeah? In 5 minutes, you won’t have a tongue

  303. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Friend – what do you think of Anthony Weiner

    Jeffery – look, even I have limits

  304. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Jeffery’s dad – waste not, want not

    Jeffery – don’t worry dad, the waist is my favorite part

  305. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Principal – young man, you don’t have a leg to stand on?

    Jeffery – soon, neither will you

  306. Jeffrey was always reading to get a head. (sic) His favorite inspirational book was Dr. Norman Vincent Peale’s “How to Eat Friends and Influential People.”

  307. dad: “What’s bugging you lately, Jeffrey?”

    “Two things. My oven’s broken and everyone is giving me the cold shoulder.”

  308. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Friend – Jeffery I’m hungry …gonna head to your fridge…

    Jeffery – I wouldn’t do that if I were you

  309. Roger Ebert was going to give ‘Eating Raoul’ a thumbs up, then…when he looked for his thumb…

  310. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    English schoolmaster – stiff upper lip, young man

    Jeffery – oh they’re quite stiff, trust me

  311. dad” “Jeff, while you were away for the weekend, I found someone tied up and frozen in your freezer.”

    “I wish you hadn’t thaw that.”

  312. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Jeffery didnt like “breakfast at Tiffany’s”…, but thoroughly enjoyed Tiffany for lunch

  313. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Mom – Jeffery seems so angry – what’s eating him?

    Dad – I think you need to rephrase that

  314. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Mom – Jeffery, would you like a leg of lamb?

    Jeffery – not hungry mom, just ate leg of billy

  315. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Bad assen dude – you think you’re tough?

    Jeffery – not really, but on the other hand, in 10 minutes, you’ll be quite tender

  316. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Jeffery often watched The Paper Chase just to hear Kingsfield say mr. Hart.

  317. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    I hope somebody takes note of these – some of them are very very good :)

  318. To prison roomie: “You look like an unsavory character, but I can fix that with a little Hunt’s Tomato Sauce…”

  319. dad: That was a very interesting dinner you cooked tonight, Jeffrey, what was it?”

    “Joe Girardi.”

  320. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Friend – who was your favorite ranger?

    Jeffery – Mike Ruff, but don’t let that name fool ya!!

  321. “With Christie and Marty, I have enough food to last me ten years. Think I’ll buy a Whale’s Tale restaurant franchise.

  322. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Friend – would you like an Adams Ale?

    Jeffery – I’d prefer an Adam’s Apple

  323. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Mortician – ever since we hired that new guy, jeffery, stiffs are dropping like flies

  324. It’s seriously impressive, don’t get me wrong… they’re not all gold, but mostly gold. :)

  325. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Mortician – Jeffery, prepare the casket

    Jeffery – that wont be necessary

  326. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Grieving widow – may I see my husband’s body?

    Jeffery – “burp” uhhhhhh

  327. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Friend – Jeffery, we’ve been hunting for 5 hours, not a single deer…what are we going to eat

    Jeffery – “we”? You have a mouse in your pocket?

  328. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Hockey coach – Jeffery, how’s your wrist shot?

    Jeffery – did you say wrist?

  329. Hockey coach — Get out there Jeffery, really get in their faces!

    Jeffery — Can do!

  330. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Jeffery’s dad – your eyes are bigger than your stomach

    Jeffery – little do you know

  331. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Baseball coach – look Jeffery is playing 2nd base… Nobody slides head first – you all got it?

  332. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    The dude – glad you get a kick – mostly juvenile humor – but emotionally, I’m about 12 :)

  333. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Friend – my heart goes out to you.,,

    Jeffery – oh don’t worry. So will your other organs.

  334. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Drill sarge – who wants intestinal fortitude?

    Jeffery – keep the fortitude…

  335. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Jeffery looks at brad Richards – “what the **** are those things in his mouth?”

  336. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    School Friend – Jeffery, should we bone up on our Calculus?

    Jeffery – did you say bone?

  337. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Friend – Jeffery, I’ve got to hand it to you

    Jeffery – my pleasure

  338. “Nancy Sinatra wouldn’t take off her boots. Okay with me, I need leather in my diet.”

  339. “Redford arrived two weeks ago in a red Ford pickup. It’s still outside.”

  340. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    One in the hand is worth 2 in the bush, except when Jeffery is around,

  341. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Apollo Mission

    Ground control – astronaut Jeffery, are you eating the man in the moon?

  342. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    This blog gives me energy like no other….some of it is stupid, sure, but some of it is really good…

  343. “William H Macy came with a window and told me to kiss his azz. I enjoyed eating him with a large Bass ale.”

  344. Yeah. Let’s move Haley and Ash up to the first line with Nash for a few months. If it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t work out.

  345. Gravy, Just Gravy on

    Hopefully the Rangers are as dedicated to their craft as e3 and coosX2.

  346. But, Allan Watts said that you have to go out of your mind to come to your senses…

  347. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    My wife looks at me like I’m a lunatic. Giggling like a school girl, I see why…

  348. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    It’s early here…10:41…. I just put a 1000 + songs on my iPod –

  349. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Jeffery – Gershwin’s “American in Paris” would have been better as “American in Jeffery”

  350. My late reading: A book on contemporary Detroit. Wow, what a horror. They must have signed Kocur and Probert just to walk the team and execs to their cars.

  351. woman to man at country fair: “Why do you get to make up all the rules?”

    “My Fair, lady.”

  352. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    You can buy entire neighborhoods in Detroit for very little $$. In flint, houses are bought with Monopoly money

  353. I wish I could find a way to put some of this surrealism in my book, but I think I’d be minus one agent. He gets the ordinary stuff. I think he hates me because he has to wear a suit and I don’t. :)

  354. 750 posts and I’m bushed. Too bad we’re not as young as we were last year. :)

  355. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    I wear jeans and T-shirts….sweatshirts in the winter….no tweed coats here….

  356. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Michigan is one beat up state… But perhaps it’s turning around – slowly…

  357. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    I used to dress more “professionally” but you play with chalk all day, and it’s “why bother”

  358. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Besides CA is so laid back, you have people wearing sweatpants in 5 star restaurants. NYC, it’s not.

  359. LOL KTVU-TV in Oakland listed the pilots of the downed Asiana Airlines Plane that crashed in SF.

    On screen, they listed them as:

    Sum Ting Wong
    Wi Tu Lo
    Ho Lee Fuk
    Bang Ding Ow

    The station has issued an apology.

  360. Eddie Eddie Eddie on

    Too funny. A third person died today – I used to fly out of SFO a lot.

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