Happy Festivus!


Get the aluminum pole out of the crawl space (very high strength to weight ratio … and it requires no decoration).

I find tinsel distracting.”

It’s time for the airing of grievances. Then the feats of strength.

I got a lot of problems with you people.”

It’s Festivus for the rest of us, Dec. 23.

Kruger, you couldn’t smooth a silk sheet if you had a hot date with a babe … I lost my train of thought.”

So gather up Denim Vest, H&H Bagels, the Two-Face and the guys from OTB.

You must meet a lot of men. You know who’s a man? Charlie here. He’s a man. You know who else is a man? Me. I’m a man.”

“I’m a man.”

Have an Atomic Sub. Try a raisin bagel. Put a sawbuck on Captain Nemo in the fifth. Enjoy a soup with a rubber band in it (“Paco!”) …

Kruger, my son says your company stinks.”

Meanwhile, on the lockout front, apparently Bill Daly and Don Fehr spoke yesterday, and speculation is that there might actually be meetings in the days after Christmas. Freakin’ idiots.

Maybe it will lead to a settlement. That would be another Festivus miracle!

Until you pin me, Festivus is not over.”





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  1. Who is Christine Quinn, and why is her tweet calling the NRA’s statement asinine and stupid appearing in the box on the right in a hockey blog? Isn’t this a hockey site? Please no politics here. Plenty of reasonable people agree that a “Gun Free Zone” sign is not magic, and does not actually protect anyone.

  2. Also, Christine Quinn is the Speaker of the City Council, represents the Thirds District of New York and likely the next Mayor of New York City.

  3. PAL, I agree. No politics. I just thought the quote was funny, so I retweeted it. You have to admit, the press conference the other day was beyond comical. Right?


  4. In the spirit of the Holidays I would like to point out that, in this case, I completely agree with Tiki. *LMAO*

  5. Happy Holidays, Manny.

    No Happy Holidays to Curt Schilling.

    Did a video chat with ilb a half hour ago, and his baby is sooo big, and so mature, and so amazing. She just sat so quietly in front of the camera. New life is so beautiful.

  6. Happy Festivus all! Another Festivus miracle has occurred on the Report! Yahoo! Hopefully this lockout won’t last 12 years. I find the NHL’s belief system fascinating….

  7. Ron Low, who used the word “likely” in almost every sentence, was asked who coughed up the puck up the middle of the ice.

    “Likely Ulie,” he said.

  8. The NHL owners have no understanding or care about human life. They don’t care about the loss of 20 innocent children lives. They dont care about children starving across the world. They dont care about the homeless people that will simply want shelter for the holidays. All they care about is how they can get richer. It’s despicable.

  9. Amen. Down with the rich! As the Dead Kennedy’s sarcastically said, “kill, kill, kill the poor.”

    If we are hating on the rich why don’t we get that punk-rawker, LW3H to join in?

  10. A lot of owners, in fact, do an admirable job helping millions of children around the world, Tiki…Just take a look at Smile Train program co- founded by Charles Wang. There are plenty of other examples.

  11. You, Bettman. You couldn’t smooth a silk sheet if you had a hot date with a babe… I lost my train of thought.

  12. Ahh.. I don’t know who you really are, but I’ve seen Jerry’s girlfriend, and she’s not you. You’re much better looking – and like, a foot taller.

  13. iDoodie Machetto on

    Remember when we (the fans) were promised reduced ticket prices?  Well, Madison Square Garden just posted record profits and yet my season tickets are increasing in price by over 1/3rd in price for this upcoming season, and are up over 60% since the last lockout. COST CERTAINTY! The only thing that is certain is that my season ticket group had to add an additional share in order to be able to afford our tickets, so we will all be paying slightly more money to see 2 less games a year, each.


  14. witness against shalloweens on

    I know this joint specializes in superficial and glib, fronted by Fearless Leader, who makes dull, shallow, but confidently sweeping derogatory comments about a whole class of people (politicians) some of whom are worthy of his scorn, most of whom carry on the best they can in a whirlpool of infantile grasping and whining from constituents just like Fearless Leader, and the vast majority of whom contribute more to the commonweal as individuals than any ten sportswriters and any ten thousand sports “fans.”

    But ILB’s well-intentioned swill about Wang and the Smile Train betrays so much callowness it should garner an award of its own. Some research about the salaries of folks who once ran that poisoned paradigm of do-well-by-doing-good, the awful power grabs and general scummery that took place when two such organ-eye-zations, supposedly dedicated to the welfare of these stricken kids, amalgamated a short while ago, the tax breaks that accrue to the wealthy when they give, the RELATIVE scroogery (that is, crumbs, for those of you who like the rich-man Lazarus tale) of their donations (widow’s mite ever grab your attention?), the gains in power and prestige for the wicked greedy among the benighted like ILB require this message, at almost no real ultimate cash cost to them. Oh, yeah: new definition of admirable.

    And nice work, out-from-the-woodwork PAL in making a political statement while supposedly decrying a political statement, and just hoping I don’t upset your concretized worldview too much,
    and you run to Mommy for comfort, NO ONE with a half-brain, or two brain cells (I apologize for excluding so many of your friends; it was not my intention) thinks the gun-free zones accomplish anything fixed. They are totems, signs of a possibilty, that one day, kids, for all that is holy, can actually go to school and think of nothing but learning, even the acquisition of some basic tools, some basic wisdom, some basic grace and depth for discourse, none of which, sadly, took place at most of the schools attended by most of the fans who come here.

  15. It’s been awhile, witness. New name, same condescending cynicism. One third of your rant would’ve sufficed. Let me ask you this: have you ever personally participated in any of those, or similar missions? To China, South America, Philippines? Anywhere? Used your vacation time, payed for your own trip, and worked 16-18 hours a day to make sure every child gets the surgery they would never be able to have. I doubt it. Because if you have you’d not be in a position to say anything negative about people who bring those organizations to life, no matter what you think their intentions could be.

  16. No politics yet peeps are ripping the rich?
    If there weren’t rich people most of us wouldn’t have jobs… Just sayin’

  17. Olga Folkyerself on

    Festivus for the rest of us! HAPPY FESTIVUS!

    Oh, and Witless? You spelled your name wrong….

  18. Nice rant, witless. Very well written, even if I have only the most vague idea what you were trying to convey. Nor do I particularly care.

    Johnny and NYR Oh, he’s a tomcat.

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