(Editor’s note: Time for some more zany cleverness from our friend LW3H, the author of the very funny Springing Malik blog. If you haven’t seen his latest entry, click here. ^[1])

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Having been begged mercilessly by precisely nobody to contribute to the great, late summer of RR (“worst internet blog”) Guest Blogs, I racked my brains endlessly to decide on the subject matter.

Reminiscences of 1994? Got none.

Tales of an obscure incident from Ranger past? Ditto.

A much-deserved tribute to Stanislav Neck·
Y’s 18-game tenure on Broadway? I couldn’t do it justice.

So instead, I’ve stuck to my established strengths and hacked together a pointless decomposition of the names of current Rangers as if they were acronyms. Feel free to add your own…

ASHAM: Atlantic Squad Hobo, Aged Meathead

BICKEL: Benched In Case Knuckles Expected Later

BIRON: Back-up Isn’t Required Often Now

BOYLE: Bostonian Obscures Yankee Love Expertly

CALLAHAN: Captains Achieving Little League Acclaim Hardly A Necessity

DEL ZOTTO: Desires Every Lady’s Zeal Only To Tweet Often

GABORIK: Groins Are Brittle, Operating Room In Kitchen

GIRARDI: Guts In Reserve And Regards Danger Irrelevant

HAGELIN: Hurting Alfredsson Gets Even Lightweights Incarcerated Nowadays

HALPERN: Hoping A Little Performance Ends Retirement Noises

KREIDER: Knifing, Rifling Exponent In Doc Emrick’s Reportage

LUNDQVIST: Leader, Urbane, Natty Dresser, Quarries Vezinas In Saving Team

MCDONAGH: Might Claim Dominance Over Norris. Arrivederci Gomez, Hahahahaha

NASH: Newly Acquired Salary Hole

PYATT: Phoenix Years Attractive To Torts

RICHARDS: Rather Insane Contract Helps Afford Required Dental Surgery

RUPP: Ratchets Up Philadelphian Paranoia

SAUER: Sadly Always Unavailable. Expect Retirement?

STAAL: Siblings Together At Alternative Location

STEPAN: Sophomore Troubles Ended, Pretty Assists Nightly

STRALMAN: Swede Typically Relaxed After Learning Micheletti Admires Nudity

TORTORELLA: Tyrannical Overlord Rarely Talks On Record Extensively, Loathes Lavish Avery

SATHER: Status Attributed To His Eighties Record