(Editor’s note: Time for some more zany cleverness from our friend LW3H, the author of the very funny Springing Malik blog. If you haven’t seen his latest entry, click here.)
Having been begged mercilessly by precisely nobody to contribute to the great, late summer of RR (“worst internet blog”) Guest Blogs, I racked my brains endlessly to decide on the subject matter.
Reminiscences of 1994? Got none.
Tales of an obscure incident from Ranger past? Ditto.
A much-deserved tribute to Stanislav Neck·Y’s 18-game tenure on Broadway? I couldn’t do it justice.
So instead, I’ve stuck to my established strengths and hacked together a pointless decomposition of the names of current Rangers as if they were acronyms. Feel free to add your own…
ASHAM: Atlantic Squad Hobo, Aged Meathead
BICKEL: Benched In Case Knuckles Expected Later
BIRON: Back-up Isn’t Required Often Now
BOYLE: Bostonian Obscures Yankee Love Expertly
CALLAHAN: Captains Achieving Little League Acclaim Hardly A Necessity
DEL ZOTTO: Desires Every Lady’s Zeal Only To Tweet Often
GABORIK: Groins Are Brittle, Operating Room In Kitchen
GIRARDI: Guts In Reserve And Regards Danger Irrelevant
HAGELIN: Hurting Alfredsson Gets Even Lightweights Incarcerated Nowadays
HALPERN: Hoping A Little Performance Ends Retirement Noises
KREIDER: Knifing, Rifling Exponent In Doc Emrick’s Reportage
LUNDQVIST: Leader, Urbane, Natty Dresser, Quarries Vezinas In Saving Team
MCDONAGH: Might Claim Dominance Over Norris. Arrivederci Gomez, Hahahahaha
NASH: Newly Acquired Salary Hole
PYATT: Phoenix Years Attractive To Torts
RICHARDS: Rather Insane Contract Helps Afford Required Dental Surgery
RUPP: Ratchets Up Philadelphian Paranoia
SAUER: Sadly Always Unavailable. Expect Retirement?
STAAL: Siblings Together At Alternative Location
STEPAN: Sophomore Troubles Ended, Pretty Assists Nightly
STRALMAN: Swede Typically Relaxed After Learning Micheletti Admires Nudity
TORTORELLA: Tyrannical Overlord Rarely Talks On Record Extensively, Loathes Lavish Avery
SATHER: Status Attributed To His Eighties Record