(Editor’s note: Time for some more zany cleverness from our friend LW3H, the author of the very funny Springing Malik blog. If you haven’t seen his latest entry, click here.)
*******************************************
Having been begged mercilessly by precisely nobody to contribute to the great, late summer of RR (“worst internet blog”) Guest Blogs, I racked my brains endlessly to decide on the subject matter.
Reminiscences of 1994? Got none.
Tales of an obscure incident from Ranger past? Ditto.
A much-deserved tribute to Stanislav Neck·Y’s 18-game tenure on Broadway? I couldn’t do it justice.
So instead, I’ve stuck to my established strengths and hacked together a pointless decomposition of the names of current Rangers as if they were acronyms. Feel free to add your own…
ASHAM: Atlantic Squad Hobo, Aged Meathead
BICKEL: Benched In Case Knuckles Expected Later
BIRON: Back-up Isn’t Required Often Now
BOYLE: Bostonian Obscures Yankee Love Expertly
CALLAHAN: Captains Achieving Little League Acclaim Hardly A Necessity
DEL ZOTTO: Desires Every Lady’s Zeal Only To Tweet Often
GABORIK: Groins Are Brittle, Operating Room In Kitchen
GIRARDI: Guts In Reserve And Regards Danger Irrelevant
HAGELIN: Hurting Alfredsson Gets Even Lightweights Incarcerated Nowadays
HALPERN: Hoping A Little Performance Ends Retirement Noises
KREIDER: Knifing, Rifling Exponent In Doc Emrick’s Reportage
LUNDQVIST: Leader, Urbane, Natty Dresser, Quarries Vezinas In Saving Team
MCDONAGH: Might Claim Dominance Over Norris. Arrivederci Gomez, Hahahahaha
NASH: Newly Acquired Salary Hole
PYATT: Phoenix Years Attractive To Torts
RICHARDS: Rather Insane Contract Helps Afford Required Dental Surgery
RUPP: Ratchets Up Philadelphian Paranoia
SAUER: Sadly Always Unavailable. Expect Retirement?
STAAL: Siblings Together At Alternative Location
STEPAN: Sophomore Troubles Ended, Pretty Assists Nightly
STRALMAN: Swede Typically Relaxed After Learning Micheletti Admires Nudity
TORTORELLA: Tyrannical Overlord Rarely Talks On Record Extensively, Loathes Lavish Avery
SATHER: Status Attributed To His Eighties Record
171 Comments
Nice , very clever Lw3h . Good job!!
Im FIRST!!
ASHAM: A – Sham , can he skate?
BICKEL: Hes a pickle.
BIRON: The moron.
BOYLE: Just a boy
CALLAHAN: Callahandy!!!
DEL ZOTTO: is all we gotto .
GABORIK: can be a pr…
GIRARDI: is like a fiaria
HAGELIN: Haggling for ice time.
HALPERN: Halpern is on the way!!
KREIDER: is a speeder or a spider (however you say it)
LUNDQVIST: can be junkqvist at times.
MCDONAGH: the doughnut
NASH: Potatoes.
PYATT: the bratt.
RICHARDS: Richie Richards.
RUPP: wuts ‘sup?
SAUER: puss!!
STAAL: Bathroom Staal.
STEPAN: Don’t Stepan the logo!!!
STRALMAN: the straw man.
TORTORELLA: Author “Fonz-arelli”
SATHER: SLITHERs like a snake.
Oh, wow, pleasant surprise. Carp, how did you manage to finally talk him into it?
Very clever, indeed.
And not a word about Marty’s BMI? :-)
Brilliant. Thanks LW3H. I love the Stallman one.
Pretty sure I didn’t type Stanislav Neck·Y (damn Europånsy characters…) but I like the change anyway.
Stevie Minger signed too late to make the cut, in case you were wondering. Which you weren’t.
Figured GBS would get even more upset if I went beyond the current roster, but I could add:
Dump-ins Regular Until Retirement Year
“Operating Room In Kitchen”..... classic.
AVERY: Adores Versace, Enters Runway Yakking
PRUST: Pugnacious Ranger Unhappy, Seeks Trillions
OUT-STANDING!!!
Morning peeps,
Pure Genius LW! Awesome
Great stuff, LW!
Awesome! Lets see one for Hollweg 44
and MALIK!
Good morning all! That was Ludicrously Wonderful!!! And cooscoos, great adds…..best guest blog ever!!!!
lol, this was a great idea!
Love the McBust one.
Headshots Old Legends Like Wayne Effing Gretzky
VOROS ? very often rubbish or scratched
HOLLWEG ? heart on legs, light-weight ever game
BRASHEAR ? big rough a$$hole shouldnt have ever adorned roster
REDDEN ? ridiculed ex defenseman diehards ever needling
Good morning, Sally!
I was scratching my head over Neck-Y, LW. What was it supposed to be? Wasn’t it pronounced Netz-cash?
Hilarious! I love it! Thanks for a great morning laugh…
I’m gonna share it on my Facebook :-D
Sharing?
Communismalert.Carp – Claiming Another Rigatoni Plate. :)
Lol LW….BRILLIANT! I loved the Hagelin Callahan and Girardi ones especially
Mcdonagh and tortorella were good also lol
[Another
commiealert]Watch KHL games for free!
http://www.KHLtv.com/
You’re welcome.
where’s the one on Reijo Ruotsalainen?
CCCP- coat checking commie person.
hahaha at cccp! The Boyle one was best! I cant stand that guy haha!
Anyone hear about this, i think Ravens radio broadcaster, Gerry Sandusky….. hes getting death threats bc some people are stupid to realize its not the same guy. I think he and his family would be better off changing their surname. How sad though, anyone with that name is punished for having it. People will wonder if some guy named Roger Sandusky is related to that criminal.
Counts
The
Boring,
Long,
Unrequested,
Equations,
Statistics,
Hockey-
Irrelevant
Regression
Tabulations
Fresca
Apple Jacks
Tater tots
Glazed donuts
Unleavened bread
Yodels
Good morning, Carp!
BAHAHA! Best post ever!!! Love the McDonut & Richards ones.
CT, I was waiting for the bonehead acronyms to start rollin in…
I love you, ilb! LOL!
Coat Checking Commie Person! Well done!
Fresca
Apple jacks
Tater tots
Glazed donuts
Unleavened bread
Yodels
Unusual Kickass Rangers (And Not Gomez ) enthusiast rarity
Miniscule Apartment, Nude Neighbours Yonder
Left Wing 3nglish Herb
LMAO!!! Clever!!
RICHARDS: Rather Insane Contract Helps Afford Required Dental Surgery
Love it!!
And it was supposed to be Neckar but with the Czechopånsy letters.
Never Yearn Release For Any Nuts
Belongs Amongst Nut Jobs
W.O.Y.W.I.T.K.A.
Scott: Scoreless Combatant Obscured Tiny Torts
Sally – Sassy A
Stupid iPhone!
Sally – Sassy Altruist Lovely Little Yenta
W.O.Y.W.I.T.K.A. is the best one so far.
CCCP: Chooses Capitalism, Controls Pharmaceuticals
CCCP: Chooses Capitalism,
ControlsConsumes PharmaceuticalsFixed
LMAO! Coat Checking Commie Person!!! BAHAHA!
Also Chooses Capitalism, Consumes Pharmies. Too easy!!! So funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am not smart enough to partake in this today. But I will observe and be entertained.
Stands Aside, Lets Losers Yammer
CCCP: The Union of Soviet Socialist RepublicsDOLAN: Daddy’s Obscene Loot Allows Nepotism
“Sauer Always Unavailabe. Expect Retirement?” LOL “Status Attributed To His Eighties Record,” Ditto.
Excellent!!!! Very very well done and a great changeup. ...some great ones in there.
Great List LW3H…I love Hagelin’s and McD’s especially! Let’s end this damn lockout NOW!!!!
Is anyone else concerned with the potential of some of our star players going over to Europe?? I am. I don’t want to see any of our guys get hurt playing over there in some meaningless games.
GOMEZ: Gone, Obsolete. MCDONAGH Es Z-BOMB!
A little french in there, in honor of his destination.
You man, Like NASH? (Now approaching Swiss Hurters)
LOCKOUT: Lack Of Cooperation Kayos Our Unshakeable Trust
What’s the over under on suspension that Goon Hagelin gets while acting as an enforcer in the Swedish league?
Tre Kronors.
What’s the over under on Dunkin Donuts Franchises Marty Brodeur consumes during this lockout?
B.O.R.I.S.
Popularity Owed To Incompetence
Desperately Useless Netminder, Holes Apparently Multitudinous
He’s A Goon; Elbows Legends In [the] Noggin
BRODEUR: Beefy Rodent Orders Dinner, Eats Up Restaurant
Heart Is Good, Ghastly Innacurate Nightly Shooting
BYFUGLIEN: Brontosaurus Yearns For Used Gargantuan Levi’s in Ebay Notice
Crying Regularly, Openly Seems Babyish, Yes
HAHAHAHAHA CROSBY!
Crying Repeatedly, Often Says Byfuglien You
ORR?
Greg’s acronyms are like OMG AMAZING!!! LW3H tops Greg’s original best blog ever only to be done in by OMG AMAZING ‘acronyms’ of the vaunted ‘GREG’!! GOD BLESS THE GREG!!zzzzzzzzzz…
the guy is OMG AMAZING!! that is all!™
pretty dang brilliant, LW3H! ...loved it!
(I sense a creeping series of glumness postings,about the season that apparently is going to be a lost cause.) Now feeling despair over what has happened is different than what is expected to happen, or what has happened in the past as an example of what could well happen here and now, or in the not to distant future. As Ranger fans we probably each has his own example of “hopes dashed” by the the unexpected, and never to be forgotten moment in racing for the cup. My own came many years ago long prior to TV of the games, and we had to squish down close to the radio and listen to Ward Wilson, and his accompanist who is forgotten by me, and a grim and exciting
Cup battle,here it looked as though the Rangers might well pull it off, but out of nowhere came not Gordie Howe, or Red Kelly, or some other notable, but a name that I really had never noticed, by the name of Pete Babando. And suddenly he shoots and scores the cup winning goal and I was literally shocked; disbelief is a mild word….....that was my greatest disappointment in a Ranger game, and has yet to be equaled for me. They were so close and playing such great hockey, and the Wings goal tender was good – but not great ( I believe it was Harry Lumley) ...but he held the
Rangers off just long enough for Babando to work his immortal shot. I don’t believe that I ever heard from him again.
l
Stephane Matteau – eleven goals in three years, yet he is still fondly remembered for a couple of playoff dingers. Proves the point, you drive for show and putt for dough.
best column and responses ever
Ruslan Fedotenko has miraculously become 6’2 according to the Flyers roster. When he was in NY, Zuccarello was bending over, eating cumquats from his helmet.
HALEY: Hartford American Leaguer, emergency yapper.
LMGO at you guys today.
Ho! How did Haley last so long without being zapped? And he thought he was going to skate!
Hey – is it just me or are the fighting voer about $350,000 right now?
30 teams .. that’s about 11.6 Million / team per year – or about what the Wild paid for that guy from jersey and that other guy I forget his name right now ..
why bother even knowing their names?
Over 3 billion per year in revenue and how it will be apportioned is the issue, not 350 grand.
only off by about 98 million. whats the big deal?
More like almost 3 billion off, but right, Gotta leave something for the bartender.
I remember reading stories about how some pro athletes, ten at a table, have run up a $2000 tab and leave a $100 for the waitress. You can take the boy out of the country, but you can’t take the country out of the boy, or words to that effect.
98 million per team…...
but anyways…
Definitely Underachieved But Inked Needlessly Stupid Kontract? Yes
Wowowowow! What a night so far at MetLife. Met the Mara family and got invited to a family suite during the Springsteen concert. All thanks to the Queen of the blog, the Blogmama! We’re on the field right now of the Super Bowl Champions, the Sunday residence of the future greatest QB in NFL history, Elisha Manning!!!
I see what you’re sayin’, Toom. Good one, Dubinsky! Almost forgot about him.
I swear to the gods, this byfuglien lady Blogmama is unbelievable!!!
im trying to come up with one for Fedotenko but its too late in the day… besides the power is out again.
Front
End
Dummy
One
Time
Empty
Net
Killing
Obstruction
Sorry missed some zeros there …
350,000,000 (remember it was at like 500,000,000 + when then started).
This is the part that is under dispute (the 57% vs. 43% vs 46% etc ….)
350,000,000 / 30 = 11,666,666.67 / team.
S_
Loser Organization Couldn’t Knock Out Under Time
Finally If Retired, Elation. Success And Triumph Have Eluded Rangers!
LMGO, Olga!
These are so good, I think I’m going to leave up LW’s post another day.
CCCP: Chooses Capitalism,
ControlsConsumes PharmaceuticalsI LIKE!
What a great thread! Keep the thread up, Carp!
Chris Neil: Crasher, Has Refs In Somambulance Nasty, Evil Imp, Loser
Ovechkin – Openly Very Excited Counting His Kinky Inbred Notions
lol
Thank you LW3H!
Awesome post. kept me entertained and made me laugh out loud a few times today. Not just yours but everybody’s.
Ovechkin sounds like one of those little cuddly things in The Wizard of Oz. Kvetch also comes to mind. Could easily be Irish with a simple apostrophe after the O.
Why does Tomb’s name always remind me of Edgar Allan Poe?
The skies they were ashen and sober
The leaves they were crisped and sere-
The leaves they were withering and sere;
It was night in the lonesome October
Of my most immemorial year;
It was hard by the dim lake of Auber,
In the misty mid region of Weir-
It was down by the dank tarn of Auber
In the ghoul-haunted woodland of Weir.
Thank you LW3H, I love it, I love it, now it is a good time to close this blog, while on e high note, no ? Carp ?
Newbear – Non Educated Whiner Buffoon Extra Annoying Rat
Best Offense Outtayourseat Goal Alltime -Amazing. Restinpeace Dude.
Some great stuff here! LOL
LW killin’ it again!
Newly Acquired Salary Hole? hahahahaa
not only that one, the work as a whole, just… wow, just wow, i picked the right day to come back around here! :D
Didn’t Understand Being In NYC Spotlight Kills You
Artem Not Irreplaceable So Is Moving On. Vamos!
Ex Ranger Is X-iled. Ohio Now.
That concludes the Nash Tradees series.
My wife must have missed Bettman’s memo because she just went into labor.
Hahaha. Good luck, iPuck and Mrs. Gavel!
Good morning, Hambone!
Coos Coos
I love the fact that you have picked up the poetic cadence, of Noyes and his immortal Poem, the Highwayman
“The night was a torrent of darkness, the moon was a ghostly Galleon, tossed upon cloudy seas, etc.
when the Highway man came riding, riding, up to the old Inn door ….’ great epic poem, and your borrowing Noyes style, removes a bit of the guilt I had for “borrowing” Poe’s “The Raven” to a degree, for my poem, “Short Man”.
So Alex Ovechkin says he and some other players might stay in Europe if players salaries cut short…interesting comments. I doubt any of them stay in Russia after the new CBA is reached but… those Russians…you just never know.
and speaking of Ovechkin… i thought this was an excellent documentary about him and his family. It explains why he wears number 8 (if you pay attention ;-D) and why he points to the sky every time he scores a goal and other very interesting stuff about him as a person and a hockey player. Enjoy
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cgLyAM_T9vQ&feature=related
Lol, P&G. Good luck and enjoy it.
Good morning, boneheads!
La la la la la…
so whats up? how are you spending your time during this lovely lockout?
Awesome P&G! Go get ‘em!
you guys are freaking boring! nothing to say? Training camp starts tomorrow!
Training camp for what?
Good luck Puck!!!!!!
i dont know Manny… just pretend NHL training camp starts on Friday! is it too much to ask?! is it?!
Good afternoon, Carp!
Good luck, P&G!!!!!!
Sweet! jpg RT’ed by Zipay———->
It is not too much to ask. I am sure some players will begin training. Others might begin tweeting about hanging out in the park or something.
i think we should all pretend like there is no lockout… have Carp put up “It’s Go Time” when there’s a scheduled Rangers game…we can pretend to hate or like some of the new players, new lines etc….it could be fun…
or not.
can someone on the pp shoot the damn puck please. keep passing you morons.
hows that cccp
doodie enjoy it you will never sleep again lol
great job, eric!
get Del Zaster off the PP!! He still can’t shoot the puck!
Staal Encountered, Mostly Inflicts Noogies
Speaking of….What happens to Del Zaster? Is he a free agent now because of the lockout?
Why can’t we have a season of replacement players. Wouldn’t CABER like to be part of that league?
CABER!
The time Boogaard scored that great slapshot goal , was my greatest moment on the blog.
Columbus vs Montreal ( write that date down) -( btw void if the league is still on strike)
Prust vs Dubinsky , fight , fight ,fight ,fight!!! I’ll give the nod to Prust but don’t count out our old “ace in the hole” Dubinsky. Dubi is mad!! Dubi is gonna come out hit’n everything. He’ll fight Prust , just watch. Youv’e herd it here first!!!hahaha!!!
Is CABER more like Gena Davis or Madonna?
When it’s good it’s good. Nicely done
Guest bloggers stink
as if anyone on this blog values your “opinion”...
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
http://alyonka.tumblr.com/post/26179913132/while-in-la-i-ran-into-paulina-at-the-roosevelt
Manny, they both take a shower after every three periods.
Wow. Good one.
Manny- no showers
They can’t use the facilities, remember….
no showers: not only showers held out, watercloset employees refuse service.
Massive Cannonshots Coming Albeit By Elder.
This is what the Panthers are offering their season ticket holders:
“Loyalty” Option 1:
Retain your full account balance with the Florida Panthers and earn 10% loyalty CREDIT
on your account. By selecting this option, you agree to leave all monies for your 2012-13 season
tickets in your account in the event any 2012-13 preseason and regular season games are cancelled and
not rescheduled by the NHL. ln such an event, you will earn 10% loyalty credit for the amount of games
cancelled and not rescheduled by the NHL.
“Loyalty” Option 2:
Retain your ‘full account balance with the Florida Panthers and earn 5% loyalty PAYMENT.
By selecting this option, you agree to leave all monies for your 2012-13 season tickets in your account in
the event any 2012-13 preseason and regular season games are cancelled and not rescheduled by the
NHL. In such an event, you will earn 5% loyalty payment for the amount of games cancelled and not
rescheduled by the NHL. Loyalty payment will be issued in the form of a check upon the start of the
2012-13 season.
and “Option 3”:
Receive a refund in the event any home games are cancelled and not rescheduled by the
NHL. By selecting this option, you will receive a refund of the monies on your account for games
cancelled and not rescheduled. Refunds will be issued upon the NHL’s official announcement of the
entire 2012-13 season.
No matter what option you pick, the earliest you can get any money back is when/if they start the 2012-13 season. Shysters…..
Here’s a site that lists many of the teams’ plans for the season ticket holders’ (with)holdings:
http://daysofyorr.com/2012-articles/september/cashing-in-on-the-lockout-what-teams-are-offering-season-ticket-holders.html
Did somebody say CABER ?
Update: still several hours to go, but all are doing fine. Labor is movog slower than CBA negotiations
Fans Loathe Options, Refuse Idiotic Deals Altogether.
Player Rendered Useless; Countless Healthy Absences.
Good one, and oh so true.
30 goals as a rookie and then quickly and steadily downhill. Pathetic waste.
Fan Loyalty Obvious Ruse In Deflecting Apathy
Keep us posted, iPuck.
Honestly, between LW3H’s post and the often-clever responses, this may very well be the funniest thread I’ve ever seen on RR. Great job folks.
Dammit, the Panthers/Nashville double-header’s been canceled. Went to last year’s first ever and it was awesome. Two games in one day and you could basically sit wherever you wanted because it was such a well-attended event.
Miserable intellectual loafer blabbering utterly repulsive yell
Relies On Erroneous Nonsensical Illiterate Conversation Knack.
Disliked Ranger Underachieving Regularly Yearly
Just Attitude Great Ranger
Monotonous Constant Garble Undermines Incredible Recall (of) Everything.
Did I miss it, or did nobody do Brodeur yet?
Did I miss it, or did nobody do Brodeur yet?
Let’s leave it for LW! I know he loves Maaaartyyy!
Beefy Rodent Orders Dinner; Eats Up Restaurant.
Cranky Almost Regular Charges In Leaving Lanes Open
Piggy Otter Troll Vilified, Injured Nilsson.
Gave Rangers Added Value Every Shift.
Legend Egofree Extraordinary Total Class Hockeyist
Leetch! ‘94 Playoffs – Goals: Messier 12, Graves 10, Leetch 11. AND Led a supremely talented team in points – A defenseman! Oh, that someday we see his double again on NY ice.
I was trying to figure out what that spelled. lmao