Guest blogger: Miami P.

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“No More 1994”

By Paulo Molina, akaMiami Pimp”

Disclaimer: Any views or opinions presented in this blog entry are solely those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of Carp, The Journal News, or its parent company. Read at your own risk.

bush-league, adj.  (boosh-leeg)

1. being of an inferior class or group of its kind; marked by a lack of sophistication or professionalism;

2. describing a substandard and deficient ice hockey team, namely the New York Rangers.

Over the years, you’ve read me accurately and poignantly describe the Rangers as everything that they truly are: As a “pedestrian” squad composed of street-skill has-beens , as a “Mickey Mouse” roster filled with stale second-acts , and often as disjointed “clowns” who shouldn’t be caught playing in the Mexican second division, much less the NHL.

This past season, the jokers did a masterful job making everyone around the league believe that they were for real. They started off slowly – two losses across the pond in pansyland – but then pulled off a consistent, game-in/game-out effort to contend for the Presidents’ Trophy and come within a sniff of Stanley’s Pie after a valiant but ultimately futile playoff run. They had this entire blog fooled that they had finally turned the page and become contenders.

Didn’t fool me.

For all their determination and so-called accomplishments, the Rangers didn’t’ really make many strides as a team or as individuals. Richards came in and ended up with numbers below his season averages. Gaborik did the same. And for all the talk of rookie Hagelin and sophomore Del Zotto, both struggled throughout the season.

In fact, the two players that many would rightly consider the most consistent (and perhaps most talented) of the bunch – Christensen and Wolski – were actually shipped off to other lands before given a fair chance to display their mettle. Their caliber was clearly missed during the playoff crawl.

Some pulled their weight and had practical seasons. The first names that come to mind are Callahan and Girardi. But therein lies the problem:  For all his leadership attributes, Callahan fell short when the team faced bedeviled adversity and Girardi looked tired and slow and failed to deliver when the team needed his bread-and butter – his offense – the most.

There’s an easy fix for the latter. His name is “Redden” and he’d immediately step in to reestablish himself as the heart and soul of the team on the Rangers’ No. 1 pairing. But he’s been thrown to the wolves, the implications of which are too complex to note here … so we’ll leave it to another entry.

Most of you probably disagree with my assessment. You guys yearn for Nash and praise Lundqvist as a savior. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that Nash’s arrival, while promising, probably ruins the team’s chemistry. And Lundqvist’s goaltending supremacy, while impressive and heroic to you, masquerades our weaksauce defense.

You don’t want the truth, because deep down in places you don’t talk about at game-watching parties, you want me on this blog … you need me on this blog. I use words like “two-bit”, “amateur-hour,” “bush-league.” I use these words as the backbone of a life spent evaluating this team. You use them as a punchline. But see, I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a group that comments daily under the blanket of the very criticism that I provide and then questions the manner in which I provide it.

So I would rather you just shook your head and said “Thank you” and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you open up Word and submit your own post. Either way, I could care less what you think this Rangers team is entitled to. What they’re destined to is a lot more losing and a whole lot more mediocrity.

Coming to you straight from Carp’s favorite American city … this is Miami Pimp, signing out.

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(Editor’s note: For those new to the blog, Miami is kind of known for his negative tone, to say the least. But he’s actually as big a Rangers fan as there is … in his own, odd and unique way — Carp).

 

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123 Comments

  1. Fire up the bong. At least people will think you’re only intoxicated instead of just flat out stupid.

  2. What he didn’t tell you is that he is only let out into the ward, one day a week, and that he also isn’t allowed chocolate ice cream because it activates his vocal cords, and is always under close supervision.
    The nurses all wear heavily armored shorts when he is in their presence, and his favorite Ranger shirt is heavily padded.

  3. Love it Miami!

    One thing that is definately Bush-League is Gary Buttman and his negotiating team – give equal voice to the smaller-market owners and i’d bet we’d be seeing no lock-out and a more reasonable and progressive CBA.

  4. Good morning, boneheads!

    LMGO, Miami! Classic. Except you forgot “Cookie-Monster” and “bozos”

    Also, let’s hope you’re declared free of that amateur-hour-second-rate-two-bit disease very soon, buddy!

  5. Good morning all! Miami, we need you on that wall! So we can push your bugh-league opinions over the side! LGR!!

  6. Sense of humor. Or lack thereof. I feel personally responsible since it’s one of the medical failures….

  7. Hillarious truth!
    Helped all season long. Keep going and take good care of yourself – we all, team included, need you.

  8. TommyG- they’re not as far apart as it may seem. NHL made a very significant move forward yesterday- they are not insisting on redefining the HRR anymore. It’s now, basically 49% vs 57%. The players are not keeping 57%, they know it. They just do not want cut their salaries right away and they are right, considering how much they gave up in 2005. How they eventually settle that part is what will determine how many games will be lost.

  9. So happy this guest blog finally happened. Great stuff, Pimpster. I can’t wait for us to have a season in a few years so you can continue to rip on your beloved New York Rangers.

  10. Hey guys, let’s all keep in mind at Pimp eats lunch every day 200 yards from a population of Cubans that are trying to kill him.

  11. Lets send Miami to New York and straighten this mess out. Knock some heads together and come out with a hockey season.

    Have a Sioux-per Day!!!

    Good Job Pimp.

  12. Miami,

    Very hard to read when I don’t know if any of it is serious. I will assume it is not. How can you root for the Rangers when you spew this pessimism day after day? I am often not the most optimistic Ranger fan, but I cannot follow this line of thought even in jest.

    I am sure you would agree that if they had called up Redden, Avery and Wellman they would have won the Cup last year. Wink, Wink.

  13. Good morning, Mustang!

    You guys think this is hilarious, you should see some of the obscenity-laced comments aimed at Miami by people who are clueless about his schtick. Unfortunately they were blocked because of the language. :)

  14. Lol, I guess people haven’t been around the blog long enough to know his schtick. Or haven’t been born with sense of humor. Or both.

  15. I love this line by Fran:

    _he also isn’t allowed chocolate ice cream because it activates his vocal cords, and is always under close supervision_

    LOL! *LET’S GO RANGERS!*

  16. Oh dear – sounds like time to buy a PS3 or XBOX360 – i need a fix for my impending lockout marred autumn!

  17. I had a dream last night that I swore on the blog. Second time I have dreamt that I wrote a curse word on this place and woke up upset.

    *Pathetic*

  18. Will we still love the Rangers if they are replaced with scabby bush-leaguers?

    And are we talking H.W Bush, or W. Bush? Very different leagues.

  19. Manny, has it crossed your mind that, perhaps, you should *get a life* :-)

    Yeah, I know, look who’s talking…

    Hey, Mister D, it’s been awhile…How’s everything?

  20. I’m feeling good. Better than in about a year … the doc says the cancer is “almost gone”!

  21. The final piece that will push me through to full recovery is the sight of Redden in a NYR uniform.

  22. Low rate bush league stuff there Miami. I guess you’re damn right you ordered the code red. And the rangers death however sad and unfortunate was necessary to keep the rest of the league safe. We need you up on the wall and secretly we want you up on that wall.

  23. not to start up the baseball yack, but Tampa and Baltimore are tied 2-2 in the 14th … of particular interest to fans of the Yankees*.

  24. Carpy, Sally is an O’s “fan”

    I put fan in quotes because the existence of Os fans is still in doubt. LOL

  25. Curt Schilling was talking last night about accountability. It was hysterical. The guy who cheated Rhode Island out of over $50M and then blamed everyone else.

    Os win!!!

  26. I caught Boomer and Cockroach this morning on WFAN (Ugh…I know) and dopey Chris Carton was talking about how he thinks Andy Pettite should be allowed to do HGH to recover from his injury….and how Yankees* fans should all think the same and probably would want that…

    Not me…

  27. His name is Pettitte. :)

    I heard that bum Cockroach Carton say the same thing earlier this year about David Ortiz, that he should be able to juice because he makes baseball exciting.

  28. I had the honor of meeting Pettitte* once a long long time ago, probably 12 years ago. A phenomenal guy that I got to discuss faith and spirituality with. I actually got to shake his hand too!

  29. If baseball players will be allowed o openly use HGH then they might as well join the wrestling federation. This sport is a freaking joke as is…

  30. Olga Folkyerself on

    an oriole is a sandwich chocolate cookie with a white creme filling, and a hole in the middle.

  31. You do realize baseball is America’s pastime, right? What’s funnier is that wrestling is likely more popular than hockey, lol

    Was just reading about President Franklin Pierce. Interesting stuff, he celebrated his win in the election by going to Boston for Christmas. Upon leaving Boston via train, the train derailed and Pierce’s son, the only casualty, was decapitated.

  32. Olga Folkyerself on

    oriole is from the Wizard of OZ- it’s what the regimental army of the Wicked Witch of the West chants, while marching in formation and chanting “Or-ee-ole, Yo Ho” repeatedly In the film

  33. Olga Folkyerself on

    an oriole is anything black and orange that moves through the air- like a rotten pumpkin chucking contest. Or a professional hockey team in Philadelphia. (fliers?)

  34. Olga Folkyerself on

    “Nobody wants to make a deal and play hockey more than I do,” Bettman said.

    This has replaced “The check is in the mail” as the best Classic Lie.

  35. _You do realize baseball is America’s pastime, right? What’s funnier is that wrestling is likely more popular than hockey, lol_

    and what point are you trying to make? it cannot be a joke because most Americans like it?

  36. Youre right, CCCP. Because its popular doesnt mean it is not a joke.

    But.. u probably also think hockey’s a joke, right? Facing possibly their 2nd lockout in less than 10 years, Bertuzzi like plays every x number of years, head hunters, a joke of a disciplinarian…

  37. Some people give the sport of hockey a bad name but as a whole i don’t think hockey is a joke.

    Baseball* on the other hand is a national circus full of scandal…aka a joke.

  38. I respectfully disagree. Its a league-wide epidemic, head shots, chargings, dangerous boardings, no respect amongst the players for each other’s safety.

  39. you can count on one hand using probably only 3 fingers, or even less, the number of serious head injuries in the past few or more years…most of the players recover and come back (Crosby, Staawhll etc)…this is a full contact sport…fast and physical… its part of the game and things like that happen.

    Baseball* on the other hand is all about cheaters and junkies. It is no longer a sport if you cheat to get ahead. It’s a joke.

  40. yes the league not the _sport_ is becoming a circus…

    baseball* on the other hand is a joke because of the sport wide use of drugs. And because a bunch of dudes in mint condition who stand around for most of the game still chose to cheat because for some reason they get tired swinging wood around.

  41. I too think baseball is a joke, CCCP. Not for the reasons you’ve stated. Every league is a joke, biggest of all, the NBA.

    Hockey is a great sport, it’s exciting, it requires immense talent, but…

    CCCP, you’re counting the number of serious injuries in the NHL, which is disputable FWIW.

    I’m just saying that the players dont have respect for each other’s safety. Which IMO, is not anywhere near as bad as drug use…. because…. in MLB, they’re hurting themselves with drug use. In the NHL, they’re hurting each others because of a disregard for safety.

    Finally CCCP, that rampant drug use occurred more than 10 years ago, when drugs were not banned by MLB. Now, there are guidelines in place to limit drug use. Yes, there have been a few people caught and suspended, but you’re always gonna have a few people doing what theyre not supposed to be doing. If you dont think there are AT LEAST a few players in the NHL using drugs, I have a bridge in Brooklyn I’d like to sell you. :)

  42. I wouldnt try to insult your intelligence. I apologize for not including the date.

    I dont think the date matters. There was 1 player, there are others IMO.

    And the drug testing in the NHL leaves much to be desired.

    And I like your use of fart in your last 2 posts. :)

  43. If we are throwing poop and hoping for it to stick…

    “In July, Hill *passed both a _lie detector test_ and independent drug test* regarding his substance abuse. In a statement, the Wild said, “We believe Sean did not knowingly take any banned performance-enhancing substance.” Wiki

  44. Ill drop the drug use in NHL thing, because that wasnt my original point and there isnt much, if any, proof of it, and the drug testing of the NHL is a sham. My original point still stands, though. The players dont care for each other’s safety, and that makes the sport dangerous. I consider the player’s lack of respect for one another’s safety a joke.

  45. The safety issue is something relatively new to the NHL. Nobody really gave a damn about safety until some of the NHL guys died (may they rest in peace)recently due to alleged head trauma they sustained while playing in the NHL. Before that…the bigger and the higher the hit to the body – the bigger the fans cheer. Still… NHL players work hard to get where they are… no cheating.

    Baseball’s* biggest names were caught cheating and baseball’s biggest record* is a sham.

  46. throughout the history of baseball, players have used one substance or another in an attempt to better their performance. Until a short time ago, all those substances were legal, therefore i see it as a non-issue.

  47. Not what I said, CCCP. To clarify, as long as the drugs werent illegal under the rules of baseball, I see it as a non-issue. Once the rules and testing were put in place, the positive tests are few and far between.

  48. Why all the animus toward our old friend, the Pimp? I’ve always enjoyed his submissions, and keep in mind that old slave who used to ride in the chariot with the conquering Roman general, and held an olive wreath over his head and kept intoning, ” remember that thou too art mortal”.

    He is part of the ” Let’s not any one take themselves too seriously in all things hockey.”

  49. I’m all out of hockey talk for a couple of reasons…1. I really don;t know what the hay is going on.
    Every time someone inserts a key piece of info I gobble it up and try to act like I know what’s going down…but it usually takes a couple or more inserts by knowledge folks ( or highly opinionated ones who seem to be in the know…..it all passes me by and I have to actually study what is being said..and decide who it is that knows the inside stuff…someone always does. Now I have two choices. either say something about the game that is original ( fat chance on that one), or shaddup.

    So I take a third route.. a smart alec wise crack or think of something totally unrelated or humorous.

    And where does humor come from mostly…..aha, the Emerald Isle itself or of it’s minions Timmy and Mickey

    Mickey called his friend Timmy, and told him that he had to go to confession, but he didn’t want to go alone in case the Priest gave him a stunning bout of penance to adhere to. So he told Timmy in
    the pew in the otherwise empty church. So in he went and went to the ritual ” Bless me father , etc, and then admitted it…”Father…I’ve been with loose woman.” The Priest said nothing for a few moments and then surprised him by asking, ” Was it Maureen O’toole” Mickey was shocked. he replied that he could not reveal such a thing, but the Priest interrupted him by asking, was It Nellie
    Flannerty?? Mickey begged him again not to ask names for he in honor could not divulge. This went on for several more times, and Mickey couldn’t answer, for the Priest was implacable, ” Was it Eleanor Shanley?” …or perhaps it was Siobhan Harlow?….or Milly McGrath?…by this time, Mickey was near tears, and the Priest relented, ” All right, Mickey, you’re a good upright lad, now go say your penance and be off with ye.” Mickey stumbled out of the confessional and slid on to the pew with Timmy, and Timmy said ” Cor ‘ you was in there a long long time,,,,,,What did he give ya? Mickey sat for a moment, then looked around, and a sly look on his face as he said …”Five new new names.” !

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