Since I can’t talk about hockey, because, well, I’m writing this on Sunday and I don’t know if there’s a Game 7 or if hockey season is over (bet it’s not), here’s a tale I’ve been meaning to tell you for a couple of weeks,.
OK. I told you before the Rapture that my lawnmower went, and I wondered if I should buy another one, what with the end so near. Well, I decided I’d better go for a new mower, seeing as how “you can’t take it with you.” Plus the world didn’t end.
So I did. Ugh.
First, I found a mower larger than the standard 21 or 22-inch wide model. A 36-incher. So I bought it at Home Depot. Except the HD near my house didn’t have the one I wanted. So I ordered if from a Home Depot a little farther away—in Drury Country, actually. Well, the day it was supposed to be delivered, I was supposed to get a call at 9 a.m. giving me a time of delivery. That call never came. So around noon I called HD and they said the trucks were running late, and that it had to stop at the HD nearer my house to pick up the mower. I told them that the HD nearer my house didn’t have that mower. They insisted it was there. I then told them to forget it, I am not paying $85 delivery fee for a mower that I could have picked up for free the day I was there.
Then I found out that the wider model has two blades and a timing belt that assures that the blades don’t hit each other, and that if you hit a rock or a root or something, the belt breaks to protect the blades. Um. No thanks.
So back to Home Depot I went. I decided to go back to the standard size mower, a brand name with all the bells and whistles. At about a third of the price of the big one. So I picked that one up, stuck it in my trunk, brought it home, had to do a tiny bit of assembly, fill it with oil and gas, and got ready to do the lawn the next day.
In the meantime, I had to disassemble the old mower, empty the gas tank, stuff it in the car and take it to the town dump.
The next day, the new one started right up, first pull, and it went right through the long, wet grass like butter. Except … for some reason it didn’t go in reverse very well, and it dumped clumps of grass when I pulled it backwards. So I read the manual. It said not to pull it backwards. Huh? How do you do tight spaces or cutouts, or under branches, without pulling the mower backwards?
In addition, after I read the manual, it didn’t start right away. Then it ran out of gas, and when I refilled it, it didn’t start right away again. The mower that died on me that week started every single time I pulled it for 15 years. So I wasn’t going to deal with this.
So I disassembled it, emptied the gas tank, packed it up, put it back in the car and returned it. And at the return counter, there was another one exactly like it that had just been returned.
So I went to the internet and found the same mower I had bought 15 years ago, at the same price I paid 15 years ago, no bells or whistles. Just starts every time, cuts the grass great. I won’t name the other brands, but this one’s a Snapper Ninja. And I’m keeping it.
But … as I’m driving my wife’s SUV around with lawnmower after lawnmower in the back, I blew a shock and strut. This is a Friday before a holiday Monday. On Saturday I called my mechanic, and brought the car to him to look at it. He said he’d order the parts, but that he wouldn’t get them until Tuesday. So I went Tuesday, and the parts never arrived. It was supposed to arrive Wednesday. So I went Wednesday, still no parts. Bear in mind that I’m working long nights all of these days. He told me to be safe to come back Friday. Meanwhile, my car needs an oil change. So I brought that in Thursday for service.
Finally, on Friday my wife’s care went up on the rack and was fixed, seven days later, and five trips to the mechanic (who isn’t nearby, by the way). So now, two weeks later, I’m happy to report that I have a good mower and two working cars.
Sorry. I just needed to unburden myself.