Rangers Report Blog

Hi Boneheads! I’m back in action. (Good morning, Sally!).

Before we talk about what’s going on in Vancouver (or Wancouver, as Esa Tikkanen said last week) I owe a big, big, big thank-you to Laurel, who did a magnificent job (not surprised by that, but still thrilled by it). I’m starting to think she likes hockey. And starting to think she likes this blog. Anyway, she could have done minimum work and it would have been better than shutting down, but she chose to go above and beyond. You rule, Mama!

And also kudos to our special guests, Captain Clutch and Uncle Glennie. As always, you guys were hilarious.
So on to last night, one of the better hockey games you’ll ever see in terms of action. Lots of mistakes, granted, but often the better games are that way because of mistakes.

1) Which brings us to this: That’s what Safe Is Death looks like when you have some skill on the roster.

2) The MSNBC broadcast, I thought, was terrific. For one thing, there was no Pierre McGuirre. I know Pierre for a long time and we have a good relationship and I like the guy personally. But his between the benches thing vandalizes games. Too much constant chatter. Plus it hurts my brain when he starts every sentence with “edzo”.

2) Jeremy Roenick has contribued less than zero. And that clown “Willie” on MSNBC’s postgame was just overmatched. Among his many inaccuracies, he called the Crosby goal “one of the few tough chances” that Ryan Miller faced. Huh?

3) He, and others, also called it the biggest Olympic upset since 1980. To compare that to 1980, first of all, is naive and dumb and disrespectful. But really, how many upsets have their been since 1980? And here’s a news flash. Since 1952, Canada has won one gold medal in men’s hockey, or one fewer than the U.S. And one fewer than Sweden.

4) Capt. Clutch looks pretty darn good. He has two typical Drury garbage goals. How many has he had like that during the NHL season?

5) Martin Brodeur helped him there by taking a moment to whack at one of the USA guys who had bumped him, then having to scramble for the puck Drury ultimately buried. I think they have to go back to Luongo in goal now. Right?

6) They keep saying that this is Chris Pronger’s fourth Olympics. Maybe he should have stopped at three. He stinks.

7) Love the circa 1960 jerseys.

8) The best thing in this whole Olympics so far was the half hour Al Michaels did with Mike Eruzione, Jim Craig and Mark “Magic” Johnson on the Miracle in ‘80. Spent 30 minutes with goosebumps, and remembered just how much I miss my friend, the mad scientist of all hockey coaches, Herb Brooks.

9) My old bladder isn’t cut out for these limited-commercial-interruptions telecasts.

10) Did you see the Monster Ovechkin lay out the former captain of the New York Rangers. That was a whale of a game, too.

11) I’m not counting out Canada. Or any of the superpowers. But now I’m including the Red, White and Blue among those.

See youse all later. Good to be back.

Well boneheads, not much more to add pre-game, and I’m going to settle in and watch (no TV timeouts!) so I’ll see ya all at intermission. It’s a good thing some of you are home…they’re closing the bars four hours early in Vancouver to prevent a lot of drunk and disorderliness…ah, the city that responded so well in 1994 :)

In my last official post before Carp returns, let me just say it’s once again been an honor and a blast heading up the week. Thanks to Carp for the opportunity, and to you all for your support. I’ll see ya in the comments section!

Ta!

Miller v. Canada update

• The Rangers recap — I think you’ll enjoy it.
• Here’s from nhl.com.
• As of this typing, nothing yet from Hockey Night in Canada.
• Aves’ tweet was clutch :) Thanks for sharing Ryan. As a total aside, check out #34 on Aves’ blog. Jealous!

Morning update post euphoria

At the risk of getting carp’d any moment now, here’s your line-up for today, all women. I’m pretty sure I have the times (EST) right.
USA V. Sweden, 3 p.m. USA
China v. Slovakia, 5 p.m. CNBC
Canada v. Findland, 8 p.m. CNBC
Switzerland v. Russia, 10 p.m. CNBC

And of course, tons more curling. USA takes on Canada at noon on USA.

Enjoy!

Yes, cheap, easy headline, but true nonetheless. Today we’re talking NHL-level hockey. I think if the prime minster of Canada went on air tonight to say the country was seceding to Russia, nobody would turn the channel up north.

It’s old news that USA is being declared the underdog — underage, underskilled, undersized — but hey, not to get all parochial here, but as the great American philosopher John Winger once said (adapted here for theme purposes), “We’re all dogfaces, we’re all very, very different, but there is one thing that we all have in common: we were all stupid enough to join the NHL. We’re mutants. There’s something wrong with us, something very, very wrong with us. Something seriously wrong with us – we’re hockey players. But we’re American hockey players! … Now we don’t have to worry about whether or not we practiced. We don’t have to worry about whether Captain Clutch wants to have us hung. All we have to do is to be the great American fighting hockey player that is inside each one of us. Now do what I do, and say what I say. And make me proud.”

Here’s your line-up for today:
Russia v. Czechs, 3 p.m. NBC (network, wow!)
USA v. Canada, 7:40 MSNBC (of course)
Hank v. Findland, midnight MSNBC

Here’s some pre-game reads.
• From nhl.com
• Two pieces on the “teammates become opponents/enemies” theme.
Perhaps I’ll be shown to be totally wrong (wouldn’t be the first time), but a part of me just doesn’t buy that one teammate is going to take out another in any serious way. Do you think a Ranger would really go for Gabby if it meant posing any risk? Well, we’ll see later I suppose.

And last, but not least:
Eleven, count ‘em, 11 curling games today! At noon, USA v. Canada women’s curling (MSNBC), the day’s underrated North American duel on ice. At 5, men take on Great Britain (CNBC)

I’ll probably put up a clean slate before the game tonight. Later…..

Post-game update:
Well Jagrites, today just wasn’t your day. Or, as nhl.com so gently put it, Ovi crushes Jagr. At least the Fighting Slovaks have a chance :)

Today’s Olympic line-up is all on MSNBC. Norway v. Switzerland at 3 p.m., Latvia v. the fighting Slovaks at 7:30, and Germany v. Belarus at midnight. And hooray for NBC! Two women’s semis games being played tomorrow (none USA), so they’re not on any channel line-up.

Now, since things seemed to have slowed down here a bit (I expect differently tomorrow, of course) we here at the Report figured that halfway through the Olympics, we’d check and see how things are going a bit closer to home. So here is your next guest blogger, Uncle Glennie himself. (Disclaimer: Uncle Glennie is a fictional character and not based on any person, living or dead).

(Admit it, you’ve been wondering where he’s been hiding this week :)

Uncle Glennie Sounds (a Little) Off

I know that sometimes the only way Ranger fans can tell I’m still alive is the faint aroma of expensive stogies, but today, exclusively for the Ranger’s Report, I was hoping to give you an update on the Rangers. Now, I can sum up the State of the Rangers in just two words: New York. No, really, check the map…

I’ve heard a lot of criticism regarding the big contracts that I have given to UFAs over the years. For example, take Brashear and his $2.8M two-year contract. Please? Somebody? Well, let me tell you, Brash is worth it. He doesn’t know the meaning of the word fear, but then again he doesn’t know the meaning of most words. Now about Redden’s $6.5 million a year for six years, do you know how many Jason Krogs and Christian Backmans that much money would buy? Look, if I didn’t pay so much for Rozival, Redden and Drury, there would be a hell of a lot more under-achieving players on this team. With the salary cap, those high contracts have really limited how many lousy, over-age players I’m able to acquire. And that’s GOT to be a good thing.

Another thing that’s starting to bug me — those “Fire Sather” chants when we’re losing. I wish I had a dollar for every chant I’ve heard this year. There’s 18,200 fans per game, times 41 home games, and they must chant it at least 4 times a game. That’s some 3 million chants in a year. Wait a minute, I AM getting a dollar each time someone yells “Fire Sather.” Keep it up Ranger Fans! I deserve a raise.

I will tell you this though; I’m getting fed up having to deal with New York newspaper reporters. Carpiniello, Brooks, Zipay, Gross…It’s always ‘The Rangers Lose Again,” “Rangers Held Scoreless.” “Glennie has lost his Touch.” It’s getting so bad, the news reporters are driving me to drink. These Press Shills are making me thirsty!

Speaking of drinking, while I was in my suite during that last Ranger game, I invented a new drink. It’s made of Stoli Vodka and prune juice. I call it a “Russian Thru©.” At least that’s how Muck described it after slamming half a dozen…And to our Russian speaking fans, (CCCP, ilb, MAKO, et al) I want to make a Russian toast— “Moio sudno na vozdušnoy poduške polno ugrey” — I hope I got it right, Anisimov taught it to me!

(singing) “Short people got no reason, to live…” Oh-oh! I know that ring tone — it’s Gary Bettman. Hello there, Czar, How are you and the little Czardine doing? You know, Colie Campbell…OK, so how long does Avery have to sit out this time? Oh. No? Then what did you call for? No thanks; the Rangers are NOT interested in playing in a New Year’s Day outdoor game. We have an agreement with Steinbrenner, we stay out of Yankee Stadium, and he stays out of MSG. If we DID agree to play would you call off those referee dogs of yours? Well, OK, if you say they’re not calling extra penalties on the Rangers, then I guess they’re not. Sure, and Fox News is fair and balanced. (click)

I notice there have been a few complaints about our scouting and drafting through the years. I have to admit it — some mistakes were made. (Not by me though.) Those responsible are long gone. So is the second group. The third bunch was demoted to Charlotte, and the fourth…gone after the Olympic roster freeze. Anyway, our newest Director of Player Personnel, Mr. Fudd, will bring us up to date on Ranger Scouting.

Fudd: Hewwo, Gwen. I just want to tell evwyone at the Wangers Weport that I have someone to share the dwafting wesponsibiwities — my fwend, Sylvester. After the Owimpics I’m going on the woad to weview the Cawowina Huwwicanes, and the Detwoit Wed Wings. Sylvester, where will you be?
Sylvester: I’m thhuppothed to th-ee the Than Ho-thay Tharkth, and the Thaint Louithh Bluthes thometime before thh-pring…
Glennie: You know, I think it would be better if you two switched assignments. Some days it’s just Looney Tunes around here…

Well Ranger Fans, I hope this little chat has put all your fears to rest. Remember: Doing a job right just gets the job done. Doing it half-assed for ten years guarantees you job security. As long as we still barely make the playoffs and sell out Madison Square Garden, my job is safe. Then Junior can concentrate on HIS job — killing the Knicks.

Forever Yours, (and it really looks that way)

Uncle Gwennie
(That damn Fudd! Now he’s got me doing it…)

Afternoon update:

You asked for it, you got it. Lots of curling today! Sorry I don’t know the channel, but it’s a good guess that it’s USA, because USA women take on Great Britain at 5 p.m. ET. I know you’re going to watch :)

Early evening update:

I admit it, I’m not going to be around for the fighting Slovaks at midnight. But here’s your Swiss v. Norway recap.Vikingstad got Ducked!

Olli v. Hank four years ago.

Curling: Men won one! I didn’t see, did they pull that final end guy? Must have, they won. Women still playing….

Miracle on Ice, per Craig Patrick. (That was such a good year!)

So, how’s everyone feeling about meeting up with Crosby on Sunday? I love how in this recap of last night’s near miss against Switzerland, they call the shootout a skills competition.
And those Slovaks! Maybe they purposely scheduled back-to-back games after all?

…And sometimes it rains, right AO? Here’s his take: “No, we don’t worry about goals. The goals are coming. We just have to do a more simple game, more simple plays. But, it happens. Sometimes you win and sometimes you lose.”—Alex Ovechkin

Here’s your line-up for today, all men:
Belarus v. (not Hank) and Sweden, 3 p.m. MSNBC
Czechs v. Latvia, 7:30 p.m. CNBC
Finland v. Germany, midnight MSNBC

Afternoon update:

It seems we may not be having these same discussions in 2014. Your thoughts on the NHL possibly passing on the 2014 games. I think I’ve made my opinion clear on this subject.

Update 2

OK, and now a little distraction from my earlier stupidity today. Carp got this before he left and saved it for mama on a slow day. Or for when she needs to pay closer attention to what the heck she’s doing. Who’s glad it’s Friday! From Stadium Journey, a site that publishes reviews of pro and college sports venues. Here’s their take on the World’s Greatest Arena.

TGIF update
Here’s your recap on Sweden’s escape. Enjoy your end of week night, but be careful out there! Tomorrow’s update all set to go…who shall be the new Mandlebaum?

Latish night update (update)

• Sally, this Zetterberg interview is for you.
• Marty speaks. Uh oh.
• Richter speaks. Miss you!
• Jagr v. Latvia recap. “Jagr has gotten better and better with each period.” Did you catch his post-game interview with JM? I’ll try to find tomorrow and post. But in the meantime, byfuglien :) He looked liked he was not unhappy to be in KHL and avoid that chat … just a thought :)

• Jagr speaks

Do you guys ever sleep? Lots going on today, and a lot to catch up on from yesterday, so here’s your line-up, and some reading material to keep you occupied until this afternoon, especially for those who didn’t stay up until dawn debating Jagr. If needed, I’ll put up a clean slate for the opening game.

USA v. Norway (men), 3 p.m. USA
USA v. Finland (women), 5:30 p.m. MSNBC
Switzerland v. Canada (men), 7:30 p.m. CNBC
China v. Russia (women), 10 p.m. CNBC
Slovakia v. Russia (men), midnight, CNBC

• Gabby’s unexpected return. Some more on that.
• USA v. Norway
• Jagr clocks Slovaks
• Post-game interview with the shut-out King
• Marty in or out?

Post men’s win update:

I give you this free of comment, as I’m sure you’ll have your own. From the Rangers’ site:

“Rangers captain Chris Drury and alternate captain Ryan Callahan had a big hand in Thursday’s U.S. victory, as Drury scored the eventual game-winner off an assist from Callahan to give the Americans a 2-0 lead at 13:04 of the first period…
Drury and Callahan scored their goal—and played some of their best hockey on a line with David Backes of the St. Louis Blues. Drury, whose ice time increased with his offensive contributions, also played on a line with Backes and Anaheim’s Bobby Ryan.”
Full story here.

And the nhl.com wrap-up.

Good morning Sally and all! Here’s your game line-up for today, featuring two of your New York Rangers. Should have been three, but Gabby’s still sidelined, now for three games as per Gross. I feel bad he’s missing the Olympics, but not so bad if he’s properly healed by the break’s end, and at least he’s not missing any Ranger games.
Olli takes on Belarus at 3 p.m. on USA.
Hank takes on Germany at 7:30 on CNBC.
Slovaks v. Czechs at midnight on CNBC.

Some side tidbits:
• According to nhl.com, Parise is USA’s “secret weapon.” Your thoughts?
• Here’s an interview with AO after yesterday’s men’s Russian root.
• And a recap of the women’s eventual mercy on Russia.

And finally, what is hopefully the last word on that MSG “mariage proposal,” from Gross:

“A third source has shed some more light on the much-talked-about fake marriage proposal during the Rangers 5-2 win over the Lightning on Sunday. The third source confirmed what the first two sources said Sunday; that it was a hoax. However, the third source said today that the “couple,” “Nick and Melissa” were actually actors hired from an agency and that it was meant as in-game entertainment. So the Rangers and the Madison Square Garden people knew all about this, which, to be fair, is different from what I heard Sunday. At first I was told they were a real-life couple who decided to do this on their own to generate some publicity for themselves and that the Rangers and the Garden did not know about it.

By now, almost everybody has seen the video of the “Blueshirt Bride” proposal from “Nick,” with “Melissa” covering her mouth, looking somewhat angrily at “Nick” and then storming out with “Nick” following. It’s actually on The Huffington Post sports page with a link to this blog.

Essentially, this is just something that got out of hand once the Lightning television crew actually put some of the proposal on their broadcast of the game, which is how it got up on YouTube so quickly. Having been there, it was funny and it did get the Garden crowd buzzing. But there might be some Garden officials second-guessing themselves at this point.”

Post Finland Update

Here’s the Hank v. Germany preview from nhl.com. NHL players per team: Germany 7; Sweden 19.

Everyone can go back to using only one A per word now when needed.

Post Hank Update

I like the Rangers headline best, “A Royal Shutout,” with a refer to the King. Nhl.com has to be unbiased I guess, but they offered “Stifling Swedes.”

Anyway, here’s the links to their stories. Rangers, and nhl.com

See you all tomorrow.

OK all, here’s what you’ve been drooling for since Sunday, after what feels like my two longest days on earth. It’s time for Olympic hockey, featuring your New York Rangers and a bunch of other guys.
Here’s a preview of the match-up from nhl.com.

As we gear up for these games, did you realize this is the 30th anniversary of the Miracle on Ice team? Thirty! While I try not to remember how young and spry I was back then, and how much more hair Brooks and Carp had on their heads, here’s a thought. One reason that was such a spectacular run…totally ammie-ville. Pro free. I miss those days. (P.S. Switzerland has 2 NHL guys on their squad this year compared to 23 for USA).
You can catch up on the game recaps from that splendid era starting here.

As I noted earlier, work’s going to keep me, and probably other folks, out of the loop, so give your Report-worthy best here in our absence. Later!

Post-game update (stories, not notes, and no quotes:)

Here’s the start of the story from the Rangers site:

Rangers captain Chris Drury, alternate captain Ryan Callahan and head coach John Tortorella were all part of a Team USA squad that got off to a very strong start in Tuesday afternoon’s opening game of the 2010 Olympic men’s hockey tournament.

The Americans dominated Switzerland in a 3-1 victory to start round-robin play in Group A. Drury and Callahan, both significant contributors to the team’s fourth line, and Tortorella, a U.S. assistant coach, can now look forward to being even heavier favorites in their next game against Norway on Thursday afternoon.

Here’s the rest.

And here’s the nhl.com piece.

Update: Thanks to a friend on this “paper transaction” during the break:

New York, February 16, 2010 – New York Rangers President and General Manager Glen Sather announced today that goaltender Steve Valiquette has been recalled from the Hartford Wolf Pack of the American Hockey League (AHL), and goaltender Matt Zaba has been assigned to Hartford.
Valiquette, 32, has posted a record of 4-5-1, along with a 3.73 goals against average and an .877 save percentage in 11 appearances with Hartford this season. Valiquette posted a 4-1-1 mark, with a 2.29 goals against average and a .919 save percentage in a six-game stretch from December 12 vs. Bridgeport to December 30 vs. Springfield, including back-to-back wins on December 12 vs. Bridgeport (2-1) and December 18 vs. Toronto (6-1) where he registered a 0.99 goals against average and a .960 save percentage in the two contests.
The Etobicoke, Ontario native was signed by the Rangers as a free agent on July 1, 2006.
Zaba, 26, has posted a 0-0-0 record, with a 3.56 goals against average and an .875 save percentage in one appearance with the Rangers this season. He made his NHL debut in a 6-0 loss at Montreal on January 23, entering the game at 6:18 of the second period and stopping 14 of 16 shots, including nine of 10 in the third. In addition, Zaba has dressed as Henrik Lundqvist’s backup in six games this season. He returns to Hartford where he has posted a 5-8-1 record, along with a 3.03 goals against average and a .905 save percentage in 18 AHL appearances this season. He has posted a 2-4-0 record, with a 2.36 goals against average and a .930 save percentage in his last six games with the Wolf Pack dating back to a 5-4 loss vs. Norfolk on January 27. Last season, Zaba ranked seventh in the AHL in goals against average (2.33), tied for eighth in save percentage (.920) and 12th in wins (25). He also led the league in shootout save percentage with a .930% success rate. Zaba was named AHL Goaltender of the Month for February, and he finished the regular season with a 14-2-0 mark and a 1.84 goals against average, a .937 save percentage and one shutout in his final 16 contests. He made his AHL debut on October 18, 2008, at Toronto.
The Yorkton, Saskatchewan native was signed by the Rangers as a free agent on August 20, 2007.

Back to earlier programming….

Since you all seem to be on topic, here’s a clean slate for your Olympics preview hockey chat until tomorrow’s face off between USA and Switzerland. It’s on at 3 ET on USA. Don’t know about any viewing links, but if you find some, please let me and everyone else know…I’ll miss it otherwise myself.

Yes, according to the good predictors over at nhl.com, here’s your potential Hank v. Dru match-ups. www.

The women’s team skates at 530 p.m. ET on MSNBC.

And if you really want to go all day, Marty and the Great White North take on Norway at 8 p.m. on CNBC. (not, see update below)

It’s a good thing NBC owns a lot of networks I guess.

Late night update:

Thanks to alert Bonhead NYRGuy for letting me know Luongo’s in tomorrow, and Marty waits til Thursday. Hmmm. That wasn’t the deal when I checked earlier, but thanks buddy!

Morning update:

It’s Miller Time! Or not….saw this story in the paper today about the “controversy” surrounding Ryan Miller’s helmet design, so here’s a link for you catch up with. Too bad he’s not named Lagenbrunner, but then again, that might not fit. Byfuglien?

Afternoon update:

A short piece by Dellapina over at nhl.com on one of your favorite former Rangers. P.S. Happy belated birthday Jaromir! See heading “Nice to see you, again.”

Alll, you know that Carp is off :( but we promised to keep the Report going during the break,. So I give you the first of our guest bloggers….none other than Captain Clutch! Before we win the gold (thanks Hank!) some thoughts from the man himself…Enjoy, and behave…Mama is watching youse…I now give you Clutch:

Do you believe in clutchness??? YES!!!”It’s about time LoHud hired a WINNER like Captain Clutch to take over this blog! Carp was like a 4th line center making $7 million! So we waived him! Sorry Carp! Have fun in Hartford doing “Wolfpack Report”! Ha-Ha! And don’t forget to try out Capo Clutchio’s Pizzeria while you’re in Connecticut! We deliver! 7.7 seconds or less! Ha-Ha!

And now for the moment we’ve all been waiting for! It’s finally time for Captain Clutch’s road trip to Vancouver in the Clutchmobile with Torts and Cally!!!

Now, Captain Clutch knows that thousands of you Clutchamaniacs will also be making the road trip from New York to Vancouver to see Captain Clutch play in what could be my final Olympics, so here’s a list of LITTLE THINGS you should bring in order to make the trip more clutch! What a leader!

*CPS (Clutch Positioning System): Always gives you directions to the right place at the right time!

*iPod Clutch: YouTube + “Pardon My Clutch” = need I say more???

*Extra Mouthpieces: Safety first! Some of these roads are dangerous! Especially Glencross Way in Calgary! Watch your blind spots there!

*English To Canadian Dictionary: Getting the Clutchmobile through customs will be easy if Captain Clutch can speak the language!

(English: “That was clutch!”—Canadian: “That was clutch, eh!”)

(English: “What’s this about???”—Canadian: “What’s this aboot???”)

The Clutchmobile will make a quick stop in Trumbull first (The Birthplace Of Clutch) to say goodbye to Mama and Papa Clutch, then we’ll be on our way! Gotta get to Vancouver by Tuesday for our first game against Switzerland! After that, it’s the rematch 20 years in the making! USA vs. Taiwan!!! You think they forgot about what Lil’ Cap’n Clutch did to them in the ‘89 Little League World Series, a.k.a. “The Miracle On Dirt”??? Captain Clutch will be ready!!!

Wish me luck guys! Hopefully I’ll score my first ever Olympic goal in Vancouver! Oh, you guys didn’t know that Captain Clutch has 0 goals in my entire Olympic career? Look it up! Burkie picked ME for this team to score big goal??? Maybe I should’ve told him to look it up! Ha-Ha! Who has a better propaganda machine behind him than Captain Clutch??? That reminds me, don’t forget to watch the 958th showing of “Ranger Profiles: #23” tonight on MSG! Clutchness! Leadership! Intangibles! Winner! Heart! LITTLE THINGS!!!

USA! USA! USA!

peels out in Clutchmobile

*** This post was sponsored by Capo Clutchio’s Pizzeria ***

“When other pizzas don’t do much, try one that’s clutch!”

Morning update:

In deference to the Captain, I’m leaving his post up so he can get a fair run, but since everyone already seems to be starving for hockey news less than 24 hours after your last winning meal, here’s a recap on yesterday’s other big winners, the USA Women’s Hockey team!

The women take the ice again tomorrow against Russia at 2:30 PST, and team Langenbrunner debuts at noon PST against Switzerland. So tomorrow should be a good day, I hope.