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  1. What is listed below is a semi day-by-day breakdown of what lies ahead this season for the New York Rangers.

    December 4: The Toronto Maple Leafs claim Steve Valiquette off of waivers with the intention to only play him at home if its a Saturday night with his parents in attendance, or on the road in Philadelphia.

    December 5: The savior, Chad Johnson, makes his NHL debut for the Rangers. He gives up eight goals in a 10-3 rout. Fans chalk it up to a coincidental bad first outing.

    December 6: Henrik Lundqvist gives up four goals again, against the Red Wings but Marian Gaborik’s five goal night propels the Rangers to a 5-4 victory.

    January 19: The Rangers send down Artem Anisimov. Enver Lisin files an injunction against Glen Sather.

    January 25: Rangers fans hate Chad Johnson

    January 31: The Rangers sign Jason Krog to center the first line. He plays two shifts before being benched because the line did not score a goal in the forty-five seconds of ice time they were given.

    February 1: Rangers release Jason Krog.

    February 10: John Tortorella hospitalized due to a burst blood vessel in his forehead. Paramedics did not know what to do because he was speaking gibberish and they thought he was having a stroke. Turns out he was just saying “safe is death” in Italian.

    February 14: Marian Gaborik scores his sixty-fifth goal of the season off Vaclav Prospal’s forty-eighth assist.

    February 15: The Olympic break begins. Henrik Lundqvist records six shutouts and leads his team to a gold medal.

    March 2: Chris Higgins scores his third goal of the season.

    March 3: Rangers make a deadline deal with Phoenix.

    March 4: Eklund blogs that the Rangers are close to trading for Ilya Kovalchuk even though the deadline passed the day earlier.

    March 16: Sam Rosen mispronounces Brian Boyle’s last name.

  2. March 18: The Rangers are in jeopardy of missing the playoffs. Glen Sather then shakes up the team by firing the assistant equipment manager.

    March 21: The Rangers, inspired by the shakeup, begin an eleven game winning streak and propel themselves into the eight seed and clinch the playoffs on the final day of the regular season.

    April 14: Playoffs begin. Rangers are slated to face the Penguins.

    April 20: Rangers are swept by Pittsburgh in the first round. Chad Johnson started every game because Tortorella was proving a point by benching Lundqvist because he was late two minutes to a practice.

    June 10: Jim Dolan announces that ticket prices will be raised because of the team’s success in making the playoffs.

    June 25: Glen Sather and John Tortorella fired. Mark Messier is hired as GM and appoints Glen Anderson as head coach with Jeff Beukeboom and Craig MacTavish as assistants. Grant Fuhr will serve as goalie coach.

    June 29th: Chris Drury announces retirement. He joins up with a traveling mime group and teaches them to ice skate.

    June 30th: Aaron Voros takes up woodworking and uses his arms to smooth a cabinet because he ran out of sand paper.

  3. BTW, I see nothing on the Lisin BS that Orr spewed….but what I did find was Calgary assigned Jamie Lundmark to the AHL. Another GEM!!

  4. Wow, Pavel … that might be the longest “first” comment ever. You are definitely working harder than I am today.

  5. Repost:

    Zip reports:

    Voros or Boyle maybe gone.
    Kotalik is back at the point on the PP. Torts said he hopes that he got the message & hopes he can jam it through.
    Charmin didn’t skate again.

  6. WOW Pavel I’m laughing bc in the bizzaro world of Rangerland – none of that would surprise me lol

  7. Boy oh boy, I’m gonna be screwed having to catch up on everything next week….well heads, mama’s taking the week off starting tomorrow (yay!) and will be out of town til Tuesday….I’m sure I’ll touch base upon my return, but I’ll be computer-less til then.
    I will also be at warren with TR on the 12th….who’s coming????

    Be good boys, mind the blogfather, and LGR!!!

    Ta!

  8. THE REAL MikeyNJ on

    TR 808

    We got our wish!

    Heikeinin go thte call up from HArtford!

    Per Gross on his blog

  9. THE REAL MikeyNJ on

    Blogomama

    Im actually trying to get tix for that game, so I fI do, Im hitting up Warren as well

    You guys going pre or post game?

  10. Is anyone else hoping that Rozsival’s wife comes after him with a hockey stick … not for cheating, but for refusing to sleep with her? (as I suspect he does on a nightly basis)

  11. Roszival’s new job: Director of Llama Herding at the El Plano Ranch in Santa Cruz, Bolivia

  12. Morg
    Imagine what his picture will look like after he sees Rozi defending in front of him? Or his diapers, for that matter?

  13. Ilb2001,

    Hopefully he’ll take matters into his own hands and fight Roszival …

    By fight, I mean look at Roszival and watch that weaksauce cry like he does when his wife wants to give him a bj

  14. Here’s a fun game to play while we wait for Saturday:

    What was the single best and single worst TRADE the Rangers made in the 1970’s, 1980’s, 1990’s, and 2000’s?

    Carp, looking forward to hearing your nominations.

  15. ” Rangers have recalled Finnish blueliner Ilkka Heikkinen from the Wolf Pack, who presumably will make his Blueshirt debut on Saturday in Buffalo.”

    from Steve Zipay

  16. “February 10: John Tortorella hospitalized due to a burst blood vessel in his forehead. Paramedics did not know what to do because he was speaking gibberish and they thought he was having a stroke. Turns out he was just saying “safe is death” in Italian”

    Hahaha, i can just see that now, Torts grabbing the paramedic by his collar and whispering in his ear “safe is death” in italian. Buahaha, that makes for a great episode of Hard Knocks:Hockey Edition.

    Pretty cool to see Heineken get the call up. Hopefully he plays.

    And by the way, that Lisin trade was a joke. It still amazes me that people fall for that. It’s ME !! I do it like 12 times during the season, and like 8 times for another team during the deadline.

    Kind of like when i said Gabby got traded to the Pens at the deadline last year, and everyone went nuts. Haha, that was funny.

    Penis, and Beer make their debut in Buffalo !!!!

  17. good for Shanny. too bad his new title is not Commissioner. hopefully, one day he will replace Buttman. unfortunately, that likely won’t happen either. Bill Daly is the heir to that throne

  18. worst 1970s trade–rick middleton for ken hodge(worst nyr deal ever)-best getting j.d. from st. louis…..worst 1980s trade–trading a first round pick(5th overall,as it turnred out)for a coach (michel bergeron)….best getting mike rogers from hartford for kotso,sulliman–1990s best messier,obviously…worst 1990s ferraro,laperriere,norstrom and 4th for kurri,mcsorley,churla….2000s best gomez for higgy and mcdonough(in a perverted way,of course)….worst(in pure hindsight) tyutin for nicky z

  19. I gotta get a job working for an organ-I-zation where they just create a job for me with no real responsibilities. I thought those days were over…unless you worked for the State of NJ of course…nothing against Shanny however. Grab it if you can get it!

  20. Best move Bettman ever made. Shanahan is really deserving of this position and done alot in the past to promote hockey, particularly the year we were without hockey.

  21. NYR HURT FEELINGS REPORT

    Date __________
    Time of Hurtfulness ________________ am/pm

    A. Which ear were words of hurtfulness spoken into? Left Right or Both
    B. Is there permanent feeling damage? Yes No
    C. Did you need a tissue for the tears? Yes No

    Reasons for filing this report. Please Circle Yes or NO

    1. I am thin skinned. Yes
    2. I am a wussy. Yes
    3. I have woman like hormones Yes
    4. I like to whine Yes
    5. I am a little Bit** Yes
    6. I am a cry baby Yes
    7. I want my mommy Yes
    8. All of the above Yes circle this one since all most likely apply

    Name of REAL MAN who hurt your sensitive little feelings ___________
    If you feel you need someone to hug, go home to mommy and let her hug you and change your diaper. If you feel as though you need to speak to someone to sooth your emotional wounds please call this number 1 800 CRY BABY or 1 800 SIS GIRL.

    Girly man who filed report _____________________
    Signature of girly man ____________________

    Real man – person being brought up on charges _________________
    Signature of Real man ______________

    Head Coach’s Signature __________________

    * not meant to be derogatory to women in any way.

  22. Interesting website, i read it but i still have a few questions. shoot me an email and we will talk more becasue i may have an interesting idea for you.

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