Give me back my coat, man!
Just want to start by saying that this has been such a great ride since I joined the blog the last off-season. The guess blogging week has been nothing but fun; everyone did such a great job filling in and truly represented the Rangers’ community. Now… that’s where the fun stopped for me! It’s one thing to make obnoxious comments from the “peanut gallery,” and it’s another to sit here and try to fill in for Carp.
It’s like this…Often, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story, that’s not only better, but also more directly involves me. (I kid, I kid …. Or not lol) As some of you might have noticed, I have good stories to tell, but when you actually have the pressure of having your post be the actual FIRST post– I’ll tell you, it’s just not easy! At some point, I even thought about retiring from the blog, and having all of you tell me how I’d be missed! No-no, don’t worry, I am not going anywhere! I actually thought of something to talk about! FIGHTS! No, not hockey fights (although feel free to discuss them as well). I am talking about Bar brawls or Restaurant fights! There is no better place to talk about fighting than at the testosterone filled hockey blog!
So here it goes:
Couple of years ago, on a rainy autumn day, a few of my friends and I went to a Brighton Beach restaurant for a birthday party. It is on Brighton 6th right by the boardwalk. When we got there, we checked our coats, got the check coat numbers and went inside with an anticipation to have a good night. Good friends, hot broads all around, lots of good food… Russian vodka… the night was going great! But every good night eventually comes to an end. It was getting late and it was time to go home. In fact, it was so late that the place was already almost empty –it was about 6 am.
So, we went to the coat check to claim our jackets. I got mine back, and so did most of my friends, but my genius cousin Ruslan lost his coat check number! The coat checking hanger had like 5 jackets left. My cousin wanted to get his jacket so we could leave, but the coat check attendant turned out to be a real pain in “Gaborik’s groin!” He refused to just give my cousin his coat back without the tag. I mean, we were nice at first (as nice as bunch of drunk Russians can be at 6 in the morning) and tried to reason with the guy, but he just wouldn’t listen. My cousin got really pissed and just dove over the guy, right inside the coat check room, and grabbed his jacket! Picture this — a 6 foot 1, 150 lbs human projectile shooting over everyone’s head. Everything happened in a split second. He surely got in, but he didn’t think of an exit plan.
The coat check guy started to yell, “GRABYAT’!!” (which translates ”We are being robbed!!!”) and grabbed on to my cousin/the jacket with all his might. The screeching was so damn loud, I bet everyone on Brighton heard it. In a flash, all restaurant employees (i.e. the security guard, manager, waiters and a female barman) were running towards us and the coat check. Next thing I know, there are fists, feet, people, chairs and bottles flying all about. This was Quentin Tarantino-esque/UFC that you cannot get on demand, LOL.
The feisty lady barman jumped on the back of one of the biggest guys and tried to scratch his eyes out. He just shrugged his shoulders and she flew off into the main dining room. At one point, the body guard was almost crying for us to stop fighting because we literally trashed the place. So we thought it wasn’t a bad idea to ditch the place before anyone called the cops. Tired, pumped with adrenalin, we made it outside. As we were walking away, Ruslan, the cause of it all, reached into his back pants pocket and pulled out the coat check ticket! HE HAD THE DAMN TAG IN THE POCKET THE WHOLE TIME!! WHAT A MORON!
When we saw the tag, all of us went sober right away! We all broke out in a hysterical laugh and couldn’t stop laughing all the way home.
And the most important thing to learn from this story is ________________. You, the reader, fill in the blank, LOL.
Carp, thank you for letting me do this. If you don’t let me guest blog again, I will go Russian-coat-check on you!
Hey, it’s Carp. Great job, CCCP. Sorry I couldn’t figure out how to post the accompanying photo. If I figure it out at a more humane hour (it’s 1:50 a.m.) I’ll put it up.
Meanwhile, got this from the Rangers:
New York, August 31, 2009 – New York Rangers season subscribers will have the chance to get up close and personal with the 2009-2010 New York Rangers as they prepare for the upcoming season. On Wednesday, September 2nd from 7 to 9p.m. at the Madison Square Garden Theater Lobby, Rangers Captain Chris Drury will introduce fans to some of the exciting additions to the Rangers’ roster including Marian Gaborik, Christopher Higgins, Donald Brashear and Ales Kotalik. Emceed by former Ranger and MSG Network radio analyst Dave Maloney, the event will feature an opportunity for fans to hear from the players about the upcoming season and gain a glimpse into their lives on and off the ice.