Scoring help is on the way!


It pays to go to the rink early. When I got here I ran into a scout I know, who told me there’s this 20-year-old kid in Germany who somehow snuck under the radar and went undrafted and thus is a complete free agent. His name is Bernhard Holden.

Anyway, this kid is like Malkin, some say he might be just as good, and only five NHL teams even know about him, and my source told me that the Rangers will announce they have won the sweepstakes (a cash payment to his German team for his release) and they will sign him today. He would be the No. 1 pick in the June draft if this was his draft year, the scout said. He’s like 6-3, 220, tough, fast, and has hands like Zherdev. The source also said that the Rangers are sure they will be able to fit him under the cap.

Maybe we will have more info when the announcement is made and we get a conference call.

Also, the owner is here today and the rumor is he’s going to speak with the media for his annual late-season state-of-the-Rangers. And the word is that he’s going to lay it out on the table: Second round of the playoffs or there will be a housecleaning.

Wow! Big, big stuff in Ranger-land today.

More later.


Jane will have an update this afternoon. Meanwhile, just two games with Eastern Conference playoff bearing tonight: NJD @ Pitt, Philly at T.O.

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  1. Antropov80 (formerly Prucha25) on

    Carp, we Ranger fans have been around the block.

    We can’t be fooled. LOL!!

  2. The more unbelievable part of the post is that Dolan is actually going to address the state of the Rangers. lol.

  3. rick, i took this to ber serious so you better be telling the truth i just told a bunch of people. Did you hear the journal news was laying off there beat writers…

  4. haha good april fools joke, but if you are bored, google crazy news that actually was true, but no one actually believed because it happened on april 1st.

  5. Fischler's Ghost on

    So this “prospect” is really the lovechild of Bernhard Langer and Holden Caufield? Geesh….

  6. C’monnnnnn, no good scorers have ever come out of Germany! You would have done better saying he was Mongolian or something and he learned to skate on the ice deep in the Ural Mountains or something. Sidd Finch’s son.

  7. Wow Rick

    I was all excited reading your post, until I remember my fiance already messed with me this morning telling me she was pregnant. (Yes I forgot it was April 1st!)
    Not cool at all

    But good april fools joke, I must say.

  8. Rick, that’s just a cruel trick to pull on a groggy Blueshirt fan!! Happy April Fool’s Day to you too!

  9. Scotty Hockey

    Marco Sturm, Uwe Krupp, Walt Tkaczuk, Jochen Hecht, Dany Heatley (thats right, Born: January 21, 1981 in Freiburg, Germany),

    all very good German born players…

  10. joeybriggs, on April 1, 1989 Phil Esposito fired coach Michel Bergeron with two games remaining in the season, in Pittsburgh. I was at La Guardia awaiting my flight to Pittsburgh and everybody, especially WFAN, thought it was an April Fool’s joke.

    It wasn’t.

    jcalz, unfortunately your news is true!

  11. So are you being serious then?

    IF you are, fantastic, but if you aren’t tell us now so were all not pining over this all day long.

  12. Nah, MikeyNj, I just wanted to jump-start your heart this morning.

    Do you guys think it would have been more believable if I just wrote that Dolan said Sather’s out if the Rangers don’t make it to the second round? Or that Dolan just signed the GM to a contract extension? Or Redden sent to Hartford? Or Voros will play in Carolina?

    I think Olaf Kolzig and Willie Huber are also German.


    I SWEAR:

    Now as far as the salary cap goes for the BLACKHAWKS, I made this suggestion recently since the NY RANGER fans are here in droves with warranted complaints about some of their over paid and under performing free agents as well. My idea was to trade BRIAN CAMPBELL to the BLUE SHIRTS for WADE REDDEN who I believe has a salary of around $5mill. But I am sure that GLEN SATHER and JOHNNIE TORTS will insist that the BLACKHAWKS take back at least 1 other player, so to even out the financial balance of the trade

  14. Thanks Carp, good one though.

    I think GM getting an extension would have been a tad more beleivable.

    Remember Dolan doesnt really care about the Rangers anyway, why would he fire Sather?



    Clarkson to Shanny “Should I go get avery after what he did to Marty?”

    Shanny to Clarkson “no stupid..that would be playing right into his game…however…he did say something about your Momma”

  16. The Esteemed Doodie Machetto on

    Kaspar, besides the fact that Redden is actually a 6.5 million hit instead of a 5 million hit, that guy CLEARLY hasn’t watched Redden play this season.

    Dave Tallon, unfortunately, has.

  17. You’ve got a cruel sense of humor, Carp, especially the part about Redden going to Hartford. I knew it was too good to be true.

  18. Doodie

    I wrote a reply on Campbells cuts to that guy telling him there are thousands of us who wish he were the hawks GM

    Sather would probably ruin it by including Ansimov anyway

  19. scoring help is the way part deux:

    New York Rangers and General Manager Glen Sather announced just now that they signed an aging beat writer Rick Carpiniello to a 3 year deal worth approximately 33 million dollars. Glen Sather also added that he has special plans for Rick. Carpiniello’s pasta eating ability and almost always positive attitude is what this team needs right now. Glen Sather will use Carpiniello as the new chef for the New York Rangers. He will cook pre-game meals for the entire team and read his own books to the players before they go to bed.
    “It’s pretty exciting,” Rangers general manager Glen Sather said. “We ranked Rick as our number one, and we expect great meals for the next 3 years.”

  20. so very uncool. there is nothing i despise more than fake good news from you hateful little april fools jokers!

    I finally get to watch another Pensys game but with unbiased eyes on the zebras.


  21. CCCP: Marco Sturm is injury prone and not very good, Uwe Krupp was a lumbering defenseman, Walt Tkaczuk wasn’t a scorer, according to my Sabre friends Jochen Hecht is best as a third liner, and Dany Heatley doesn’t count as he isn’t German – his dad was playing there when Dany was born. Why you are throwing out names, why not the Gocs or Mike Bullard, who if I recall got himself a german passport.

    I stand by my original statement: no good scorers have ever come out of Germany!

  22. CCCP, thanks for pointing out my always positive attitude. Glen and I are destined to work together.

    But even I would admit, me getting $33 million is a worse deal than Redden’s.

  23. Carp, Pretty funny stuff.

    The only thing that had me for a moment was the bit about Dolan’s state of the Rangers speech which he DOES do. So i thought part had a little validity to it. But then I remembered the date on the calendar!

  24. SHoryuken

    during the season after the lockout our local grocer was stocking a beer called Rebel it was Czech and it was defintely great for its price. It was good but also super cheap… We drank it while wathcing our Czech team. THey stopped just as the playoffs started…

    how about trying Smithwicks (pronounce it Smithick or SMitticks… do not say the w especially to an Irish bartender) its a red ale and is made in Kilkenny Ireland

  25. Carp, I was suspicious when you said you got to rink early.
    Still all of us Ranger fans are always hoping for present from the hockey gods. So you played on our hopes. Wouldn’t
    it be incredible for something that fortuitous would happen.
    Unfortunately our news is often on the other end of the spectrum. Thanks for a good laugh!

  26. Years ago I used to go to a Candy store that was owned by Bernie Holden…and buy baseball cards when I was supposed to be at mass….four or five years ago

  27. lmao!! great post….the part about Dolan coming out of his coma and addressing the state of the Rangers was the funiest part. I know he typically does do that, but the housecleaning part was out of control. If I had read this earlier, I’d have thought I woke up in an alternate universe!!!

  28. This can’t be true because it is the Rangers. If I were a Red Wings fan, you might have had me going.

  29. Steve, you’re right. That would be the most unbelievable part, me getting up early. But you just know this Holden kid would have been the second coming of Hugh Jessiman.

    Kaspar, is he 20?

    Linda, thanks. The sad part is the Rangers organization is the alternate universe. Everybody else lives in the real universe.

  30. The Esteemed Doodie Machetto on

    Marco Sturm, before his injury this season, has had 6 consecutive 20 goal seasons (the past 3 and 4 total being 25+), and played in less than 74 games only once in his entire career (65 in 03-04, another year where he would’ve scored 25+ if he hadn’t gotten hurt). Not to mention that before his injury this season he was on pace for another 25+ year.

    So, to me, that says both reliable goalscorer and not injury prone. Do your homework.

    Sure, he isn’t going to be confused with an elite player any time soon, but his numbers are nothing to sneeze at.

  31. Oh, Carp, “If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn’t be more surprised than I am now.”
    Name that quote

  32. I hope this is true as it would be absolutely sick to make up something like this on the heels of the Cherapanov tragedy.

  33. Yeah, it was really funny. First, it’s completely derivative of Sidd Finch, and second, coming on the heels of the Rangers losing their best prospect to sudden death, I think it’s dumb on top of derivative. But enjoy feeling like Plimpton.

  34. My best April fool’s was when I was a kid and I put a rubber band on the hose nozzel on the sink… when my Mom got up and got dressed for work… she went to the kitchen sink and BLAM!

    Had to change her clothes again. She was pissed but thought it was funny… especially since I was using my brain a bit!

  35. “My best April fool’s was when I was a kid and I put a rubber band on the hose nozzel on the sink…”

    works every time.

  36. Hey Phil. On the heels of Chere’s death? Come on man? Seriously? You are overreacting in a very big way. If Carp did this months ago, and it wasn’t April Fools Day, maybe, maybe you would have a half of an argument. Otherwise, unless you are joking, put a sock in it.

  37. CCCP,

    I’m fine, I just don’t think there’s anything clever about ripping off Sidd Finch and as I mentioned the timing is a little dumb. And good comedy is all about timing.

  38. Carp, Hate you now bro

    Just kidding but seriously for a second I was like “What” when someone posted this on the Ranger post on Hockeybuzz, but then I came here and read the second part

    “Also, the owner is here today and the rumor is he’s going to speak with the media for his annual late-season state-of-the-Rangers. And the word is that he’s going to lay it out on the table: Second round of the playoffs or there will be a housecleaning”

    Yeahh okay!

  39. Bernard Holden on

    Ich möchte mich danke Glen Sather für diese Gelegenheit zur Vertretung der New York Rangers. Es wurde ein Traum von Mine für Jahre spielen in der NHL. Die Vergleiche zu Malkin sind absurd. Ich bin zweimal den Player (und Liebhaber) daß er. Fragen Sie nur Crosby.

  40. This isn’t even vaguely sick. You have to do some strange extrapolation to get to that point. I don’t even remotely see how this would have any reference to Cherepanov.

    Well it is sick considering how Antropov was instantly the Rangers leading goal scorer before he even showed up.

  41. Not over the actual seat, you slip up the seat, put down the plastic wrap, put down the seat, and just wait a bit for the next victim.

  42. I just got a call from Sid Finch, you know Sid, he is the one time phenom turned washed up minor league pitching coach from the Mets. He and Bernhard Holden will be arriving at MSG on a unicorn tonight.

    Jimi Hendrix and Elvis will attend.

  43. Bernard Holden on

    Translation: I’d like to thank Glen Sather for this opportunity to represent the New York Rangers. It has been a dream of mine for years to play in the NHL. The comparisons to Malkin are absurd. I’m twice the player (and lover) that he is. Just ask Crosby.

  44. best April Fools joke ever… played it every single year and still got people when I was in grade school…

    Jo and I would do nothing different and everyone would walk around wondering if I was Jo or myself… they would walk up to us in our seats and while talking continually ask which of us was which hoping to catch us in our lie…

  45. No Country For Old Rangers on

    Good joke but haven’t we suffered enough this year?

    I think a “Renney brought on as power play coach” or something would have been good.

    I actually bought this for a minute and was about to forward it to my buddies. I’m glad I caught on.

    Is it 7 pm on thursday yet?

  46. Bernard “Barney” Holden. Born: March 21, 1881. Died: October 27, 1948 … Holden, who was involved in the birth of the first professional hockey league

    Is this who we signed, The owner would approve!

  47. I copied and pasted what Carp wrote and sent an email to a buddy of mine…this is what he wrote back:

    “I hope this is true, although I find it hard to believe NHL scouts would miss a talent billed as the next Malkin. Can they get him here to help in the last five games of the season?”

    the kid totally bought it… ill break his nutz for a little more lol … any ideas what i could add to the story?


  49. Carp – not bad – would have been more believable if you said top 10 instead of No. 1, heh, heh.

    What is the scoop on the Layoffs someone mentioned above?

  50. Come on Rick ! Why did you choose a german ??? When you have selected an Ösi (Austrian) or swiss it would have been better !!!

    Did you ever heard about one of our best former forwards
    Erich Kühnhackl. Somewhere I have read in the internet that the Rangers wanted to acquire him in the 80ths but I couldn´t find it any more even i googled it here in Germany

    Rick, you follow the Rangers for a very long time, can you recall it…???

  51. I feel my trust has been violated (mostly because I never know what day it is, so it being April Fool’s day slipped my mind completely)

  52. Buff, I don’t remember him … but I also don’t remember what I had for breakfast. I was actually thinking of you when I wrote that post.

    ryan, not cool.

    benny, the newspaper biz is in deep trouble … only nobody’s bailing us out. we have had layoffs and furloughs, and more are coming.

  53. not just newspaper… but print magazines as well… my Mom works for Sourcemedia… they produce several financial magazines… suffering mightily but also no help for them…

  54. Erich Kühnhackl is mentioned in the Hockey Hall of Fame in Toronto , so he was probably our best player and forward, but I can´t really rememember seeing him playing live..or in a friendly, when we were in holidays in Garmisch , but that it is more than 30 years ago…

    But I am more than confused, you can´t remember your breakfast, when you think on me ???

    I always can remember when I see my belly!!!!:)

  55. I hope this is true as it would be absolutely sick to make up something like this on the heels of the Cherapanov tragedy.


    *LOL* get bent

  56. Carp, its true then all the beat reporters are being laid off? Man, that sucks. I feel your pain, as I was downsized myself at the end of January.

  57. Thanks, benney. Hang in there, bud. Tough times. We haven’t lost all of our beat writers yet, but most of them are either gone or reassigned to other things. And when we lose a star like Sam Weinman, we obviously don’t fill the job.

  58. Riche,

    What do you want to say ??? Can I have another beer please, means

    Kann ich bitte noch ein Bier haben ?



  59. What is most sad is that Dolan laying down the law and cleaning house was the part of the story that first jumped out at me as the April Fools joke.

  60. Well Carp, that´s a real compliment !

    When you think to make a good april fool joke, you think about Germany…that shows me that the hockey world is taking Germany not serious as a hockey nation…!!!

    Soccer is so huge over here, and hockey is just about No. 3 or 4 behind Formula 1 Racing, and cycling or handball…

    Well but that´s the way it is….

  61. My Bernie Holden from the Candy store was about 111 years old

    Still drove himself to work every day….

    he didnt always use roads but he still drove himself….

  62. Carp

    i know this is a hockey blog BUT i have to say something…


    People like you my grandparents used to beat to death… and if I saw and heard you say something like this in my presence… i would break your neck.

  63. Carp, that was nasty. with the way we need a scorer that was MEAN and NASTY and not Funny! I heard your paper is about to go under and you’ll be out of a job. FUNNY isn’t it?

  64. About 15-20 years ago, the original Blueshirt Bulletin did a full page spread on Hungarian phenom and Rangers prospect Loof Lirpa, whose greatest assets — aside from scoring prowess, size and speed — were his ankles, which were well-developed from skating on the Danube river and thus resistant to the ruts on the Garden ice. I fell for it then… not even close this time.

  65. I wish you all my friends a nice further conversation about the Rangers and Aprils fool joke…

    Now it is soccer for me the rest of the evening !!!

  66. Kaspar, you try to have a little fun …

    Well, at least we played nyrblog. they bought it.

    Jane’s got a new (honest) post up.

    Oh, apparently Jim Dolan was really, truthfully, at practice today. I was not.

  67. The Esteemed Doodie Machetto on

    Are the layoffs in the newspaper biz why Sam jumped ship to digital media?

    And yes, a report saying Hank was out for the year would have been an AWESOME april fools. I would’ve lost it if you, Zip, Gross, and any other beat writer with a blog all posted Hank was out for the year on your blogs.

  68. loof lirpa, WOW i remember that one!!!!

    i think these ‘found prospect’ april fools have kinda run their course

    a major injury to henrik or avery getting into a fistfight with gomez would’ve been more believable

  69. Thanks ryan for taking a good April Fool story by Carp and turning it into a remark that I would break your neck too.

    Hey Carp, can I call him an effing asshole?

  70. lenny, OK, this one time.

    joe, that’s what I should have done. A fistfight in the lockerroom between Drury and Redden. Where were you when I was trying to come up with an idea?

    potvin, you’re an idiot.

  71. Thanks Carp, he really earned it didn’t he!!

    Think of a good story for Apr 1, 2010. Hope you and Jane keep this site going.

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